So, the spanking I'd mentioned didn't happen.
That's sad. And it hurts a lil, since there was a promise involved.
And it's frustrating, 'cause my bum really likes being whacked. And in my humble, submissive opinion it doesn't happen enough.
At the same time? I totally understand Her not being in the mood. I've been there. And even just as a guy screwing a girl, I wouldn't want Her to do something she didn't want to.
As a sub, I'm a lil thrilled she's comfortable enough saying, "No, I'm not in the mood. I know you really want it, but you're not getting it. Sorry."
It's hard tho, so hard. For a variety of reasons, we haven't been making love very often. Or having any sort of playtime. And...it's tough. I like playtime, ending in sex or not. The fact that she hasn't been in the mood is trying.
But...this is good, in a way. I AM the submissive. I DID agree to let her moods and preferences have priority. And that includes the non-sexy stuff, and the downright unhappy stuff. One of my goals in submitting to Her is to make it more 24/7, more about the little things throughout our lives, and not only "Yes Mistress" during sex.
It's hard, and sometimes she's not comfortable pushing me to remember this goal. This is a perfect chance to practice tamping down my own desires and know she's not likely to give up just to stop me from being a lil pouty.
It's humbling to going to bed horny and unsatisfied, and realize it's more than a little nice.
---Him
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Friday, February 29, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Punishment/Consequences and their Role in Submission
So...as I mentioned on Sunday, I've been starting to think that maybe punishment can serve a better role in a d/s relationship than simply turning me on.
That's been my primary argument (mostly with myself) against punishing a sub. In a lotta cases, it's a game...I like being spanked, teased and denied, and otherwise being made uncomfortable or humiliated. I'm even getting a little turned on right now writing about it.
If the goal is to be submissive, to put my domme first, to be worthy of wearing her collar...then punishment shouldn't play a role in that end of it. If I'm truly submissive, then I shouldn't NEED correcting; I should just do what's going to please Her.
Meh...yes and no. I'm not always, by nature, a submissive person. I've spent most of my professional life and much of my personal life being that guy in charge. I try to work hard so I feel justified relaxing. I like to set my life up to make me happy.
Which means...it's not always first on my mind to keep everything neat and tidy around the house. Sometimes I let cleaning the kitchen slip from 1st to 3rd priority. I rationalize: "She'll understand I had this and this to do as well."
I'm sort of cringing as I type all that out, because...a vast majority of the time (and not always when horny, which is surprizing to me) I want to do better than that. I know I can do better, I know I can get what she wants done AND everything else.
And if I can't? I should be willing to sacrifice to do what she wants. If it comes down to a choice between reading and having the dishes done before she comes home...the book shouldn't get opened. I know that, and I genuinely want that.
But habits are hard to break. And while I'd love to take all the blame, she really isn't in the domme mindset 24/7, where she's waiting for an excuse to bring me into line. We'll go days, even weeks where there isn't a hint of d/s in the relationship...and it's easy for me to just go with it, hover in that equality realm. To break any subservient habits I've formed.
So she and I discussed last night (briefly, it wasn't the main issue last night) that it might be time to put a rule or two in place, and establish consquences. There was a case this week where I forgot to wear my collar to work, and I felt bad and sorry and knew I deserved to be punished (something thoroughly unsexy, say losing coffee priviledges or something)...but nothing happened.
I'm not the type of guy who can sub alone...so we're going to explore some ideas, and see how they fit with us.
That's been my primary argument (mostly with myself) against punishing a sub. In a lotta cases, it's a game...I like being spanked, teased and denied, and otherwise being made uncomfortable or humiliated. I'm even getting a little turned on right now writing about it.
If the goal is to be submissive, to put my domme first, to be worthy of wearing her collar...then punishment shouldn't play a role in that end of it. If I'm truly submissive, then I shouldn't NEED correcting; I should just do what's going to please Her.
Meh...yes and no. I'm not always, by nature, a submissive person. I've spent most of my professional life and much of my personal life being that guy in charge. I try to work hard so I feel justified relaxing. I like to set my life up to make me happy.
Which means...it's not always first on my mind to keep everything neat and tidy around the house. Sometimes I let cleaning the kitchen slip from 1st to 3rd priority. I rationalize: "She'll understand I had this and this to do as well."
I'm sort of cringing as I type all that out, because...a vast majority of the time (and not always when horny, which is surprizing to me) I want to do better than that. I know I can do better, I know I can get what she wants done AND everything else.
And if I can't? I should be willing to sacrifice to do what she wants. If it comes down to a choice between reading and having the dishes done before she comes home...the book shouldn't get opened. I know that, and I genuinely want that.
But habits are hard to break. And while I'd love to take all the blame, she really isn't in the domme mindset 24/7, where she's waiting for an excuse to bring me into line. We'll go days, even weeks where there isn't a hint of d/s in the relationship...and it's easy for me to just go with it, hover in that equality realm. To break any subservient habits I've formed.
So she and I discussed last night (briefly, it wasn't the main issue last night) that it might be time to put a rule or two in place, and establish consquences. There was a case this week where I forgot to wear my collar to work, and I felt bad and sorry and knew I deserved to be punished (something thoroughly unsexy, say losing coffee priviledges or something)...but nothing happened.
I'm not the type of guy who can sub alone...so we're going to explore some ideas, and see how they fit with us.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Suggestions, comments, concerns? We'd love to hear it!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Back to the Spanko Brunch
So it's been a long hiatus, for multiple reasons, some of which were detailed by Her in her last post. Time to start getting back into things again.
So here I am, looking over at the topic Bonnie put forth on My Bottom Smarts: "If we enjoy spankings, how can they be effective as a punishment?"
It's kinda funny, since I've been thinking about this particular tidbit a lot lately, as I've been forgetful about things, a little on the selfish side, and just all around not-as-good-as-I-could-be. After a couple incidents of misbehavior (for a lack of a better term, tho it's not quite that simple), I started thinking, "There really need to be consequences for this sort of thing."
The road forks here...the whole "punishment vs casual d/s" theme should be continued this week, so...come back then to get more specifics on this story. But the Brunch part of this goes on below.
I've also been craving a spanking all week, since planned playtime got hijacked by some other things last weekend. So part of me is going, "Do I want a spanking, or do I want correction? Are they one and the same? Or do I like spanks too much for it to serve as a corrective action?"
The truth for me is a lot of things sound REALLY sexy...until they happen. Cold showers, for instance. The idea of being forced to take one is really hott, but...I hate them with a passion once I'm under the water. Standing in a corner...sexy, until it hits the point where the arousal wears off and I'm simply standing with my nose in a dusty corner of the room.
At the same time, standing in a corner while being teased or otherwise played with is a lot more fun. A cold shower with Her standing outside the tub, giggling at me, is more enjoyable than being alone. So the manner in which the "punishment" takes place makes all the difference.
A spanking done "just because" or because I was "such a naughty boy, flaunting that butt" is WAY different than one done because I've been "disappointing" or a "bad sub." The tone of voice She uses to frame the spanking and the lecturing (or worse, the silence) goes a long way to bringing something fun to something awful.
There's also differences in techniques. A hard, fast spanking with no warm up wouldn't be fun (at least not satisfying) under any circumstances. There are also different toys She can use on me that HURT, and not in the "Oh BABY" way.
In summary, a spanking can easily be used as a punishment in my case simply by changing the context and making it HURT.
What do you think? Check out this week's MBS Spanko Brunch to learn more, voice your thoughts, and read what everyone else is thinking!
---Him
So here I am, looking over at the topic Bonnie put forth on My Bottom Smarts: "If we enjoy spankings, how can they be effective as a punishment?"
It's kinda funny, since I've been thinking about this particular tidbit a lot lately, as I've been forgetful about things, a little on the selfish side, and just all around not-as-good-as-I-could-be. After a couple incidents of misbehavior (for a lack of a better term, tho it's not quite that simple), I started thinking, "There really need to be consequences for this sort of thing."
The road forks here...the whole "punishment vs casual d/s" theme should be continued this week, so...come back then to get more specifics on this story. But the Brunch part of this goes on below.
I've also been craving a spanking all week, since planned playtime got hijacked by some other things last weekend. So part of me is going, "Do I want a spanking, or do I want correction? Are they one and the same? Or do I like spanks too much for it to serve as a corrective action?"
The truth for me is a lot of things sound REALLY sexy...until they happen. Cold showers, for instance. The idea of being forced to take one is really hott, but...I hate them with a passion once I'm under the water. Standing in a corner...sexy, until it hits the point where the arousal wears off and I'm simply standing with my nose in a dusty corner of the room.
At the same time, standing in a corner while being teased or otherwise played with is a lot more fun. A cold shower with Her standing outside the tub, giggling at me, is more enjoyable than being alone. So the manner in which the "punishment" takes place makes all the difference.
A spanking done "just because" or because I was "such a naughty boy, flaunting that butt" is WAY different than one done because I've been "disappointing" or a "bad sub." The tone of voice She uses to frame the spanking and the lecturing (or worse, the silence) goes a long way to bringing something fun to something awful.
There's also differences in techniques. A hard, fast spanking with no warm up wouldn't be fun (at least not satisfying) under any circumstances. There are also different toys She can use on me that HURT, and not in the "Oh BABY" way.
In summary, a spanking can easily be used as a punishment in my case simply by changing the context and making it HURT.
What do you think? Check out this week's MBS Spanko Brunch to learn more, voice your thoughts, and read what everyone else is thinking!
---Him
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Musings on Submission, an Intro
Every now and then I feel the need to review what "submission" means to me. This is one of those times...lucky for you, dear reader.
Years ago, in my quest to find something as mundane and dull as pictures of cruel women torturing errant boys, I came across Ms. Rika. Her website, Uniquely Rika, opened the door to some serious introspection about myself and my identity as a "submissive male." Ms. Rika, being a lifestyle domme, had a take on submission and domination so different from the stuff I'd previously seen on the web it blew me away.
It was from her essay, True Submission, that I learned the difference between "lifestyle" and "scene play" d/s. I knew there were people out there were in lifestyle relationships, but till that point I'd somehow believed it was pretty much all sexy spankings and licking the floor clean (hey, I was young and horny...don't judge). Ms. Rika pointed out some really, really good points from the domme's point of view that made me stop and think.
Things like how tiring it is to be constantly thinking of ways to torture a sub. How if the focus is on doing kinky bad things to the slave, isn't the Mistress actually serving the slave? If submission is about surrendering control, why are so many submissive males insistent about how they are "degraded?"
I read all of Ms. Rika's essays, a few times each. I genuinely felt like a moron for how I'd thought about submission previously. Borderline ashamed, really, for the fantasies about finding a full time Mistress who'd do nothing but boss me around. I was confused, because like Ms. Rika points out, I'd honestly thought that was submission. I had to redefine what I meant by submitting...and all I really knew was what it wasn't anymore.
So the next few posts I'm going to dig into the meat and potatoes of my thoughts on this. While doing so, kindly don't take offense if I reject out of hand a concept or choice that's dear to your heart...I'm not passing judgement. Everyone's gotta do what they gotta do. Consider this...merely thinking out loud for your enjoyment.
And for anyone waiting for the next installment of "Change and Renewal," it's coming next Tuesday as scheduled!
Till next time...
---Him
Years ago, in my quest to find something as mundane and dull as pictures of cruel women torturing errant boys, I came across Ms. Rika. Her website, Uniquely Rika, opened the door to some serious introspection about myself and my identity as a "submissive male." Ms. Rika, being a lifestyle domme, had a take on submission and domination so different from the stuff I'd previously seen on the web it blew me away.
It was from her essay, True Submission, that I learned the difference between "lifestyle" and "scene play" d/s. I knew there were people out there were in lifestyle relationships, but till that point I'd somehow believed it was pretty much all sexy spankings and licking the floor clean (hey, I was young and horny...don't judge). Ms. Rika pointed out some really, really good points from the domme's point of view that made me stop and think.
Things like how tiring it is to be constantly thinking of ways to torture a sub. How if the focus is on doing kinky bad things to the slave, isn't the Mistress actually serving the slave? If submission is about surrendering control, why are so many submissive males insistent about how they are "degraded?"
I read all of Ms. Rika's essays, a few times each. I genuinely felt like a moron for how I'd thought about submission previously. Borderline ashamed, really, for the fantasies about finding a full time Mistress who'd do nothing but boss me around. I was confused, because like Ms. Rika points out, I'd honestly thought that was submission. I had to redefine what I meant by submitting...and all I really knew was what it wasn't anymore.
So the next few posts I'm going to dig into the meat and potatoes of my thoughts on this. While doing so, kindly don't take offense if I reject out of hand a concept or choice that's dear to your heart...I'm not passing judgement. Everyone's gotta do what they gotta do. Consider this...merely thinking out loud for your enjoyment.
And for anyone waiting for the next installment of "Change and Renewal," it's coming next Tuesday as scheduled!
Till next time...
---Him
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Switch Deluxe
Hi all. I've got an interesting development in our relationship to relay to everyone. Essentially, I've taken on the role as the primary submissive in the relationship.
We had a running conversation over the last couple weeks about submission and dominance. I've been feeling more frisky lately, and been frustrated when my attempts to dom her ended up with me pissed at such a disobediant brat and her frustrated that I'm not pushing her buttons very well.
She's also been gradually putting her foot down more, being more dominant in situations where she wants her way. Somewhere along the way she realized I was more than happy to obey her when she got all bossy with me. Even if that meant taking the lead in bed (not always my favorite).
Early last week, I kept making hints and asking permission for things during a chat. The results were amazing, in my eyes. She took right over from me, becoming micro-managing, demanding, and not allowing me any sexual relief. This put me into 7th heaven, since I don't get this sort of treatment from my sugar very often. The tighter she held onto control (forbidding me to look at other girls, keeping a notebook of infractions, sending me to bed, making me get up at a certain time) the deeper I went into sub-space.
Until we had a long chat one day in which I confessed how much I enjoyed and craved submitting to her. How much I liked her having the final say over things, how I liked knowing I was accountable to her. She told me while she enjoyed being dominated in bed, it drove her insane to have to obey someone else's orders. And how "fun" she found bossing me around.
So...the tentative arrangement was me submitting to her in general, full time. While nothing changes too much in our ordinary way of things, she does get final say. I'm obligated to listen to her instructions more closely. The "no looking" rule has been made permanent, and I'm not allowed to touch myself without her permission (and not allowed to ask for it either!).
I know there will be plenty of times she will need me to take the lead, and I embrace that as much as I embrace having to explain why I spent time looking at a classmate's feet. However, I feel so good about my new role, so happy that she official has control over me. The day after this arrangement I woke up so turned on...and so thrilled I had to control myself and stay horny for her.
I only hope I can make this as pleasurable for her as it is for me!
---Him
We had a running conversation over the last couple weeks about submission and dominance. I've been feeling more frisky lately, and been frustrated when my attempts to dom her ended up with me pissed at such a disobediant brat and her frustrated that I'm not pushing her buttons very well.
She's also been gradually putting her foot down more, being more dominant in situations where she wants her way. Somewhere along the way she realized I was more than happy to obey her when she got all bossy with me. Even if that meant taking the lead in bed (not always my favorite).
Early last week, I kept making hints and asking permission for things during a chat. The results were amazing, in my eyes. She took right over from me, becoming micro-managing, demanding, and not allowing me any sexual relief. This put me into 7th heaven, since I don't get this sort of treatment from my sugar very often. The tighter she held onto control (forbidding me to look at other girls, keeping a notebook of infractions, sending me to bed, making me get up at a certain time) the deeper I went into sub-space.
Until we had a long chat one day in which I confessed how much I enjoyed and craved submitting to her. How much I liked her having the final say over things, how I liked knowing I was accountable to her. She told me while she enjoyed being dominated in bed, it drove her insane to have to obey someone else's orders. And how "fun" she found bossing me around.
So...the tentative arrangement was me submitting to her in general, full time. While nothing changes too much in our ordinary way of things, she does get final say. I'm obligated to listen to her instructions more closely. The "no looking" rule has been made permanent, and I'm not allowed to touch myself without her permission (and not allowed to ask for it either!).
I know there will be plenty of times she will need me to take the lead, and I embrace that as much as I embrace having to explain why I spent time looking at a classmate's feet. However, I feel so good about my new role, so happy that she official has control over me. The day after this arrangement I woke up so turned on...and so thrilled I had to control myself and stay horny for her.
I only hope I can make this as pleasurable for her as it is for me!
---Him
Saturday, September 8, 2007
(I'm a) Bad Boy
I'm sitting here hard as a rock and having no idea when my next climax is gonna be. I'm loving AND hating this all at once, but I know I totally deserve it.
For the second time I disobeyed her very simple directions. After leaving her, I was told to go home and jerk off right away. I failed to do this twice in the same week...once Monday, and once Thursday. The first time, I was kept pent up for a day to teach me a lesson. It obviously didn't work, because I let myself get distracted again Thursday.
I feel bad, because I simply forgot. It was awful of me to forget her very simple direction. To let it slip my mind completely. I so deserve the frustration I'm in now, and the sub in me hopes she doesn't cut me any slack.
She's very busy at work for the next few days, same days that I'm off. This has the double effect of keeping me horny when I've got the chance to jerk off, and also while she's away. I hate being frustrated, wanting to play, and knowing she's not able. It's a very fitting punishment whether intended or not.
I'm humiliated at being punished like a lil kid, but loving it as well. I really WANT to learn my lesson and be a good boy...just...maybe in not such a torturous way?
---Him
For the second time I disobeyed her very simple directions. After leaving her, I was told to go home and jerk off right away. I failed to do this twice in the same week...once Monday, and once Thursday. The first time, I was kept pent up for a day to teach me a lesson. It obviously didn't work, because I let myself get distracted again Thursday.
I feel bad, because I simply forgot. It was awful of me to forget her very simple direction. To let it slip my mind completely. I so deserve the frustration I'm in now, and the sub in me hopes she doesn't cut me any slack.
She's very busy at work for the next few days, same days that I'm off. This has the double effect of keeping me horny when I've got the chance to jerk off, and also while she's away. I hate being frustrated, wanting to play, and knowing she's not able. It's a very fitting punishment whether intended or not.
I'm humiliated at being punished like a lil kid, but loving it as well. I really WANT to learn my lesson and be a good boy...just...maybe in not such a torturous way?
---Him
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Rawr
I want to put something here. But I'm not terribly wound up. I'm not terribly...anything. Right now I'm being punished for not being able to keep my hands off myself. I have to ask before masturbating...and she's been just stingy enough to keep me frustrated, but not stingy enough to be cruel.
I'm constantly torn by my desire to submit to her and to control her. Especially now...I simultaneously want revenge and to be broken. I want to be punished as a bad boy and to teach her proper respect for me.
I deeply adore submitting to her, almost more than anything. But...that's not all. I enjoy controlling her, being the absolute arbiter of what she does. The dynamic works in two different way...to be taken care of because I'm a treasured pet, and to be taken care of because my pet treasures me.
No real point...just some kink musing for you tonight, dear reader.
---Him
I'm constantly torn by my desire to submit to her and to control her. Especially now...I simultaneously want revenge and to be broken. I want to be punished as a bad boy and to teach her proper respect for me.
I deeply adore submitting to her, almost more than anything. But...that's not all. I enjoy controlling her, being the absolute arbiter of what she does. The dynamic works in two different way...to be taken care of because I'm a treasured pet, and to be taken care of because my pet treasures me.
No real point...just some kink musing for you tonight, dear reader.
---Him
Friday, August 3, 2007
Various Things...
As exciting as it is to instruct Her while she's my slave, I have to admit she makes an almost ideal Domme.
I was telling Her this the other day, as she was teasing her friend on IM. She was being very much the domme with him, and doing it in a way that just got me hard reading about it. The way I explained it is she's part boss, part mommy. Strict and unyielding, but very warm and protecting all at once. She likes to have reasons behind her instructions, which simultaneously makes it harder to argue with her and give one a reason to obey gratefully.
The way she'll just start tickling me in public to make a point is amazing. The mixture of tickling and humiliation, whether it's at a concert, the drive-in, or just at a restaurant...is incredibly powerful. She'll taunt me while she's about it, too..."Why's that guy giggling and squirming in that car next to us? I don't get it, what's he doing?" making me all too aware of my predicament.
Recently she's taken to making me wait until she's climaxed when we masturbate together. I didn't the other night...I was tired and not really thinking...and came before she even started I think. She threatened to paddle me...and after that didn't scare me as much as she'd hoped, threatened to paddle my balls. "A tear would be a good indicator" when she was finished.
I just don't know...I get so hard when I dom her. I love when she's my lil slave...my whore...my slut...but I can't help but worship the domme she is, how easily she just assumes command over me, how she keeps me in line.
She's amazing.
---Him
I was telling Her this the other day, as she was teasing her friend on IM. She was being very much the domme with him, and doing it in a way that just got me hard reading about it. The way I explained it is she's part boss, part mommy. Strict and unyielding, but very warm and protecting all at once. She likes to have reasons behind her instructions, which simultaneously makes it harder to argue with her and give one a reason to obey gratefully.
The way she'll just start tickling me in public to make a point is amazing. The mixture of tickling and humiliation, whether it's at a concert, the drive-in, or just at a restaurant...is incredibly powerful. She'll taunt me while she's about it, too..."Why's that guy giggling and squirming in that car next to us? I don't get it, what's he doing?" making me all too aware of my predicament.
Recently she's taken to making me wait until she's climaxed when we masturbate together. I didn't the other night...I was tired and not really thinking...and came before she even started I think. She threatened to paddle me...and after that didn't scare me as much as she'd hoped, threatened to paddle my balls. "A tear would be a good indicator" when she was finished.
I just don't know...I get so hard when I dom her. I love when she's my lil slave...my whore...my slut...but I can't help but worship the domme she is, how easily she just assumes command over me, how she keeps me in line.
She's amazing.
---Him
Thursday, July 12, 2007
On Vacation
I'm still out of state, but finding some time to write about things. Well, I actually got ordered to...but...y'know ;-)
It's been a bit of a rough trip. But a bright point has been how well behaved my baby has been. I've been more or less the dom the entire time, with overriding rules for her while I'm away (and maybe longer, if I deem appropriate!)
That hasn't stopped lil power plays during our conversations tho. I've had a bit of a trouble looking at feet I shouldn't...and she leveraged my "bad boy" status on this issue into making me feel subby enough to give her back masturbation priviledges. I've tried to be tough and stay on top for her, but...y'know. Sometimes you can't block the message from the sub-button, as I've taken to calling it.
Certain ways she has of saying things, comments she makes, "suggestions" she offers...such as "Why don't you do a blog tonight? That's an order"...that just make the urge to submit to her nearly overwhelming. While I'm gone I'm doing my best to resist them, at least mostly. I promised I wouldn't show my belly and let her off the hook, and I have no intentions of it.
But that seems to be a totally different issue from writing a blog because she told me, or enduring a lecture about where my eyes and thoughts should be. I know I could prolly rise up and push her back down...but it's hard over the phone line, and it's hard when my default with a beautiful girl is to cast my eyes down and demure with, "Yes Mistress."
But you can bet your hiney she's gonna catch it GOOD when I finally get back to her, just for pushing that button so liberally! (Tho I wonder if that'll just encourage her more...)
---Him
It's been a bit of a rough trip. But a bright point has been how well behaved my baby has been. I've been more or less the dom the entire time, with overriding rules for her while I'm away (and maybe longer, if I deem appropriate!)
That hasn't stopped lil power plays during our conversations tho. I've had a bit of a trouble looking at feet I shouldn't...and she leveraged my "bad boy" status on this issue into making me feel subby enough to give her back masturbation priviledges. I've tried to be tough and stay on top for her, but...y'know. Sometimes you can't block the message from the sub-button, as I've taken to calling it.
Certain ways she has of saying things, comments she makes, "suggestions" she offers...such as "Why don't you do a blog tonight? That's an order"...that just make the urge to submit to her nearly overwhelming. While I'm gone I'm doing my best to resist them, at least mostly. I promised I wouldn't show my belly and let her off the hook, and I have no intentions of it.
But that seems to be a totally different issue from writing a blog because she told me, or enduring a lecture about where my eyes and thoughts should be. I know I could prolly rise up and push her back down...but it's hard over the phone line, and it's hard when my default with a beautiful girl is to cast my eyes down and demure with, "Yes Mistress."
But you can bet your hiney she's gonna catch it GOOD when I finally get back to her, just for pushing that button so liberally! (Tho I wonder if that'll just encourage her more...)
---Him
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
In a Collar
I'm wearing a collar for her at the moment.
It feels...good. So good.
As dominant as I felt today, and as much as I directed her in most tasks today...I'm craving to be at her feet right now. Even if she doesn't do anything more than pat me idly while watching TV, I want to be near her, ready to do her bidding...
It started early on in our conversation today, when she started hinting at not letting me climax until Saturday (*moans*). I know I did the exact same thing to her last week...but...that's not much comfort. Having that reminder of how she controls such an intimate part of my life started pushing my sub buttons, even as I plotted and planned how to torture her when we saw each other next.
Lil comments here and there, about teaching me a lesson about "shouting" during IM conversation, being "petted," then sharing my submissive feelings which were then encouraged by her. I sent her a pic of the undies I was wearing...and as they're awfully revealing she started talking about sending me outside for lil chores with nothing but them on. This melted me even more, until I was sending her a picture of a Humbler and discussing cock rings...
What I love about her so much is that when I "complained" about being too submissive, she teased me: "Well come put me on my knees baby." When I declined (respectfully...she's the Mistress after all...) she switched gears altogether, sending me to put my collar on and starting to instruct me more closely.
Which is where I am now. Until she'll keep teasing me, I have to finish this entry I promised her before bed tonight. It feels almost humiliating, but in such a good way, to be sitting here in my underwear wearing a collar for the same woman I had naked cleaning her kitchen this afternoon. It's mind boggling...but so yummy.
Right now, I simply crave her attention and her approval. Her torment, too...I want her to tease and torture me for her enjoyment--I know, it's not genuine submission to want something specific for her enjoyment, but I think we can common ground on that part. We know each role is about pleasing each other as much as ourselves.
I confessed earlier to wanting her to hurt me, and she was surprized at some of the things I was bringing up. CBT, plucking body hair, hot wax. I'm not, as a general rule, a huge masochist...but some people have brought that out in me. She does that, she makes me want to surrender to anything she can do to me...whether that's going to make me moan and gasp, or whimper and scream.
I love her, and hopes she offers her helplessly devoted boy little mercy tonight, and every night until she grants me an orgasm.
---Him
It feels...good. So good.
As dominant as I felt today, and as much as I directed her in most tasks today...I'm craving to be at her feet right now. Even if she doesn't do anything more than pat me idly while watching TV, I want to be near her, ready to do her bidding...
It started early on in our conversation today, when she started hinting at not letting me climax until Saturday (*moans*). I know I did the exact same thing to her last week...but...that's not much comfort. Having that reminder of how she controls such an intimate part of my life started pushing my sub buttons, even as I plotted and planned how to torture her when we saw each other next.
Lil comments here and there, about teaching me a lesson about "shouting" during IM conversation, being "petted," then sharing my submissive feelings which were then encouraged by her. I sent her a pic of the undies I was wearing...and as they're awfully revealing she started talking about sending me outside for lil chores with nothing but them on. This melted me even more, until I was sending her a picture of a Humbler and discussing cock rings...
What I love about her so much is that when I "complained" about being too submissive, she teased me: "Well come put me on my knees baby." When I declined (respectfully...she's the Mistress after all...) she switched gears altogether, sending me to put my collar on and starting to instruct me more closely.
Which is where I am now. Until she'll keep teasing me, I have to finish this entry I promised her before bed tonight. It feels almost humiliating, but in such a good way, to be sitting here in my underwear wearing a collar for the same woman I had naked cleaning her kitchen this afternoon. It's mind boggling...but so yummy.
Right now, I simply crave her attention and her approval. Her torment, too...I want her to tease and torture me for her enjoyment--I know, it's not genuine submission to want something specific for her enjoyment, but I think we can common ground on that part. We know each role is about pleasing each other as much as ourselves.
I confessed earlier to wanting her to hurt me, and she was surprized at some of the things I was bringing up. CBT, plucking body hair, hot wax. I'm not, as a general rule, a huge masochist...but some people have brought that out in me. She does that, she makes me want to surrender to anything she can do to me...whether that's going to make me moan and gasp, or whimper and scream.
I love her, and hopes she offers her helplessly devoted boy little mercy tonight, and every night until she grants me an orgasm.
---Him
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Kicking off...
I just spent the last 2 hours or so packing up various items in my kitchen. Before that, I was cooking myself dinner and cleaning things up a little bit. For whatever reason, being in the kitchen and working puts me a little bit on the submissive side...and that's when I really started wish she would call or get on-line.
Before too much longer, I got my wish. She signed on, and we chit chatted...and I slowly hinted at my mild horniness and being fairly submissive. I was a little shy and worried about mentioning this to her, because I'd just spent most of the last week and especially yesterday playing master. I know she enjoys her strong, powerful man...and although she'd told me a few times the idea of switching roles with me sounds very appealing.
I mentioned this feeling, and she spelled out in no uncertain terms how while she'll always want me as a dominant protector in public...she very much likes the idea of each of us being true to our moods in private. As she put it, "I think we can fully enjoy each others' submissiveness."
Moments later, I was sent back to packing, buck naked, as she kept sending me messages about devious ways she had to make my task more difficult and arousing for me.
This clears up one of my last...concerns, I should say, about her and I. I have a very submissive streak to me born of...well, I'm not gonna get into that tonight. Suffice it to say, few things are as sexy to me as a woman who will tell her man what to do, how to do it, no questions allowed. While I have an equally strong dominant streak, I'd had worries over the past few days of not being able to indulge my submissive side.
In the last month or so I've known her, I've become more and more enamored with her. From our first early (12 hour+) dates, where we sat and watched movies, TV, and fell asleep together fully clothed I've felt a connection to her. Hell, I drove 3 hours one way several times to spend time with her...and if that doesn't indicate a bond I don't know what does. Late nights talking on the phone, discussing everything from our views on marriage and children to how hard we like to be spanked. She told me she couldn't see her spanking her partner, and I have to admit some disappointment.
But there's compromise in every relationship, and what was starting to catch fire between us was worth more than a little compromise...and who knows how feelings may change down the road?
Yesterday I had the novel experience of taking her into a bdsm toy shop to buy a gag for her. Fielding questions, acting in charge of her best I could. I bought a slapper in addition to the gag...because as I saw the manager demonstrate the bounce of the tool, I could see it coming down on her oh-so-spankable ass, and knew I'd have to see her reaction to it.
I did get the chance to...but this entry is getting long enough. I don't have enough space to add about the guy on his bike, finding a secluded parking lot, the bruises on her breasts, the way she squealed when I spanked her too fast.
The long story short? She's helped me realize just how delightful a willing sub is, one as willing and obedient as I am. She's also made me feel secure that she can have just as much fun giving orders as she does taking them.
I think there are great things ahead for us...a horny, kinky couple with a fluid dynamic and a connection so much deeper than sex. A definite comfort with exhibitionism is another plus for another time ;-)
---HIM
Before too much longer, I got my wish. She signed on, and we chit chatted...and I slowly hinted at my mild horniness and being fairly submissive. I was a little shy and worried about mentioning this to her, because I'd just spent most of the last week and especially yesterday playing master. I know she enjoys her strong, powerful man...and although she'd told me a few times the idea of switching roles with me sounds very appealing.
I mentioned this feeling, and she spelled out in no uncertain terms how while she'll always want me as a dominant protector in public...she very much likes the idea of each of us being true to our moods in private. As she put it, "I think we can fully enjoy each others' submissiveness."
Moments later, I was sent back to packing, buck naked, as she kept sending me messages about devious ways she had to make my task more difficult and arousing for me.
This clears up one of my last...concerns, I should say, about her and I. I have a very submissive streak to me born of...well, I'm not gonna get into that tonight. Suffice it to say, few things are as sexy to me as a woman who will tell her man what to do, how to do it, no questions allowed. While I have an equally strong dominant streak, I'd had worries over the past few days of not being able to indulge my submissive side.
In the last month or so I've known her, I've become more and more enamored with her. From our first early (12 hour+) dates, where we sat and watched movies, TV, and fell asleep together fully clothed I've felt a connection to her. Hell, I drove 3 hours one way several times to spend time with her...and if that doesn't indicate a bond I don't know what does. Late nights talking on the phone, discussing everything from our views on marriage and children to how hard we like to be spanked. She told me she couldn't see her spanking her partner, and I have to admit some disappointment.
But there's compromise in every relationship, and what was starting to catch fire between us was worth more than a little compromise...and who knows how feelings may change down the road?
Yesterday I had the novel experience of taking her into a bdsm toy shop to buy a gag for her. Fielding questions, acting in charge of her best I could. I bought a slapper in addition to the gag...because as I saw the manager demonstrate the bounce of the tool, I could see it coming down on her oh-so-spankable ass, and knew I'd have to see her reaction to it.
I did get the chance to...but this entry is getting long enough. I don't have enough space to add about the guy on his bike, finding a secluded parking lot, the bruises on her breasts, the way she squealed when I spanked her too fast.
The long story short? She's helped me realize just how delightful a willing sub is, one as willing and obedient as I am. She's also made me feel secure that she can have just as much fun giving orders as she does taking them.
I think there are great things ahead for us...a horny, kinky couple with a fluid dynamic and a connection so much deeper than sex. A definite comfort with exhibitionism is another plus for another time ;-)
---HIM
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