Hi all. I've got an interesting development in our relationship to relay to everyone. Essentially, I've taken on the role as the primary submissive in the relationship.
We had a running conversation over the last couple weeks about submission and dominance. I've been feeling more frisky lately, and been frustrated when my attempts to dom her ended up with me pissed at such a disobediant brat and her frustrated that I'm not pushing her buttons very well.
She's also been gradually putting her foot down more, being more dominant in situations where she wants her way. Somewhere along the way she realized I was more than happy to obey her when she got all bossy with me. Even if that meant taking the lead in bed (not always my favorite).
Early last week, I kept making hints and asking permission for things during a chat. The results were amazing, in my eyes. She took right over from me, becoming micro-managing, demanding, and not allowing me any sexual relief. This put me into 7th heaven, since I don't get this sort of treatment from my sugar very often. The tighter she held onto control (forbidding me to look at other girls, keeping a notebook of infractions, sending me to bed, making me get up at a certain time) the deeper I went into sub-space.
Until we had a long chat one day in which I confessed how much I enjoyed and craved submitting to her. How much I liked her having the final say over things, how I liked knowing I was accountable to her. She told me while she enjoyed being dominated in bed, it drove her insane to have to obey someone else's orders. And how "fun" she found bossing me around.
So...the tentative arrangement was me submitting to her in general, full time. While nothing changes too much in our ordinary way of things, she does get final say. I'm obligated to listen to her instructions more closely. The "no looking" rule has been made permanent, and I'm not allowed to touch myself without her permission (and not allowed to ask for it either!).
I know there will be plenty of times she will need me to take the lead, and I embrace that as much as I embrace having to explain why I spent time looking at a classmate's feet. However, I feel so good about my new role, so happy that she official has control over me. The day after this arrangement I woke up so turned on...and so thrilled I had to control myself and stay horny for her.
I only hope I can make this as pleasurable for her as it is for me!
---Him
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Dear Him,
This post really hit home for me. Orginally, I dominated Deborah all the time. I was her dom and she was my sub. I suppose it is no secret now that Deborah and I are Switches since our postings on The Switching Hour.
Before meeting Deborah, I identified as a submissive. Out of love for her, I tried dominating her. It not only worked well, but I started having feelings that I just might be a dominant as well as submissive. The confirmation came when I decided to take up the reins and collar her. Before that time, we were trying it out. Upon collaring her, I knew for sure I had made the transition from submissive to dominant. Or had I?
You see, I began to get the submissive feelings back. Deborah agreed to try to dominate me. She was successful. However, I felt that I couldn't abandon the dominant feelings. I was between a rock and a hard place. To dom or not to dom? To submit or not to submit? At this moment, I knew I was a switch.
Of course, the story wasn't over. Deborah and I found that we share the same desire switch. Thus, we are now switches who cannot ignore either side of us. We simply must have both. The two of us have had quite a journey in the path of BDSM.
Our message to you is this: please stay true to yourself and never be afraid to explore yourself in another light.
Many thanks for the post,
Marcus
Hi Marcus,
I know what you mean, it was a very similar situation with Her and I. As you can read in her recent post, she never expected to be dominant in any way. It almost made us dismiss each other!
With a previous lover, I had experiences of domming because it pleased her, so I already knew I enjoyed being on top. It also played into the submissive side of things to please her by controling her.
So Her and I began, developing our romance before any real BDSM. When that bloomed so readily, we took it to the next level with an understanding we would try to fulfil each other's needs.
Recently, it seems our needs have changed. While I enjoy being dominant, she didn't seem to enjoy the way I was dominant. Her response was to push back against my "authority," and I happily rolled over and showed my belly.
I decided over the next couple days of submission I enjoyed and felt more fulfilled by doing what I was told than I remembered. I confessed this to Her, and she agreed she enjoyed altering my actions to fit her moods much better than the other way around.
And so...while as she says there wasn't any "collaring," we did agree to Her having the overriding authority. It's a challenge, having been more or less on equal footing for so long, but one that leaves me feeling invigorated.
Thank you for the thoughts...it helps to know I'm not the only one with this see-saw action!
---Him
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