Monday, September 1, 2008

The Kink Fingerprint and Punishment

Anyone who's been into the BDSM corner of the blogosphere more than 15 minutes will realize kink is like fingerprints. Each set is unique. Even when they look the same, they're not. When you think someone is talking about the exact same fetish or activity you are, the odds are really, really good there's a subtle (or not so subtle) difference that makes it new and different from your brand.

I've known about my kinky tendencies for...probably fifteen years now, easy. A "Where's Waldo" book turned me on to bondage. I kid you not, ladies and gentlemen. I believe it was this blue book...tho the yellow and red one has some goodies too...that had a scene where kids are running rampant in a museum. One of the weird little scenes within the scenes was a guard locked in a set of stocks, barefoot, being tickled by some kids.

My unorthodox (or not really?) introduction to kinky porn. Even before girls were sexualized (they'd always been pleasant things to be around...I didn't have a "cooties" phase, to my knowledge) I was getting a hardon over a picture. How young was this? Young enough that I actually asked my mom why my penis was getting stiff while looking at those pictures.

(Yeah...I'm cringing now. I never did get an answer, something that puzzled and irked me until a few years ago.)

I could go on, but bondage...whether physical, or something imposed like house arrest or restrictions of activity, is a huge part of my kinky makeup. The helplessness of being tied down features in all my submissive fantasies. I want to be helpless, and everything else stems from that.

***

Punishment is an extension of the helplessness, I think. If someone has the authority to punish me, then I'm clearly beholden to them...and thus helpless to avoid the punishment just as if I were handcuffed to the chair. I have issues on a personal level with the "anti-punishment" sentiment I see more and more, and have even experienced in a few relationships (including my current one). It goes something like this:

"If you're going to submit, you should do so just because it's submitting. Breaking the rules is a grave, deep disrespect and should not be used to get punishment."

No offense if that (or something similar) is your mantra. Amy over at 24.7 posted something similar about this the other day, and in their situation it makes perfect sense. I'd even go as far to say it's a brilliant insight on the relationship (as if I know anything about the actual relationship).

But as for me? Getting punished is...fun. Part of the game. Nothing gets my blood pumping than being given silly, difficult to follow rules that are easy to break...because I know I'll end up being "bad" and being "set straight."

I also really get off on making those rules...it's fun to lead a sub into failure over what color socks they can wear on Tuesdays, just to "lovingly" correct them. It's part of my make up, my kink finger print.

Some things should be left alone though, and not treated in the "game" category. My collar necklace, for instance, is a symbol of more than the sum of it's parts. "Forgetting" it at home one day in order to provoke a punishment WOULD be disrespectful to the relationship. In my perfect world, there are rules that matter and rules set up just to toy with a sub's head.

But my point is...it's fun to be "in trouble." A lotta fun.

***

It's also a technique for getting attention one feels is lacking...just ask any misbehaved five year old. When they're good, mom and dad are able to do stuff that doesn't involve the kid. The kid is bad? Mom and dad have to pay attention.

Sub isn't getting spanked often enough? Not being put in the corner, tied up, made to eat veggies, etc etc etc? Well if the sub break the rules, the dominant will HAVE to punish the sub, right? Instant attention/affection/abuse!

I had one domme who made it clear I wasn't to break the rules simply to get punished. I got a lil annoyed at that...until the next part (and I paraphrase): "I don't need a reason to punish you. If you're feeling deprived of torture, all you have to do is tell me."

Not a bad compromise.

---Him

1 comment:

Raheretic said...

I don't know if you all look here anymore, but just in case, I wanted you to know that I just posted a post on our Blog TheHeronClan.blogspot.com around the concept of "the kink fingerprint" in this post. I wish I'd read it sooner. It is a great metaphor of the unique indiviuality of each person's sensual erotic orientation. I hope all is well with you both and that perhaps at some point you'll find blogging will have a place in your lives once again.

Tom

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.