That's been my primary argument (mostly with myself) against punishing a sub. In a lotta cases, it's a game...I like being spanked, teased and denied, and otherwise being made uncomfortable or humiliated. I'm even getting a little turned on right now writing about it.
If the goal is to be submissive, to put my domme first, to be worthy of wearing her collar...then punishment shouldn't play a role in that end of it. If I'm truly submissive, then I shouldn't NEED correcting; I should just do what's going to please Her.
Meh...yes and no. I'm not always, by nature, a submissive person. I've spent most of my professional life and much of my personal life being that guy in charge. I try to work hard so I feel justified relaxing. I like to set my life up to make me happy.
Which means...it's not always first on my mind to keep everything neat and tidy around the house. Sometimes I let cleaning the kitchen slip from 1st to 3rd priority. I rationalize: "She'll understand I had this and this to do as well."
I'm sort of cringing as I type all that out, because...a vast majority of the time (and not always when horny, which is surprizing to me) I want to do better than that. I know I can do better, I know I can get what she wants done AND everything else.
And if I can't? I should be willing to sacrifice to do what she wants. If it comes down to a choice between reading and having the dishes done before she comes home...the book shouldn't get opened. I know that, and I genuinely want that.
But habits are hard to break. And while I'd love to take all the blame, she really isn't in the domme mindset 24/7, where she's waiting for an excuse to bring me into line. We'll go days, even weeks where there isn't a hint of d/s in the relationship...and it's easy for me to just go with it, hover in that equality realm. To break any subservient habits I've formed.
So she and I discussed last night (briefly, it wasn't the main issue last night) that it might be time to put a rule or two in place, and establish consquences. There was a case this week where I forgot to wear my collar to work, and I felt bad and sorry and knew I deserved to be punished (something thoroughly unsexy, say losing coffee priviledges or something)...but nothing happened.
I'm not the type of guy who can sub alone...so we're going to explore some ideas, and see how they fit with us.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Suggestions, comments, concerns? We'd love to hear it!
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