Anyone who's been into the BDSM corner of the blogosphere more than 15 minutes will realize kink is like fingerprints. Each set is unique. Even when they look the same, they're not. When you think someone is talking about the exact same fetish or activity you are, the odds are really, really good there's a subtle (or not so subtle) difference that makes it new and different from your brand.
I've known about my kinky tendencies for...probably fifteen years now, easy. A "Where's Waldo" book turned me on to bondage. I kid you not, ladies and gentlemen. I believe it was this blue book...tho the yellow and red one has some goodies too...that had a scene where kids are running rampant in a museum. One of the weird little scenes within the scenes was a guard locked in a set of stocks, barefoot, being tickled by some kids.
My unorthodox (or not really?) introduction to kinky porn. Even before girls were sexualized (they'd always been pleasant things to be around...I didn't have a "cooties" phase, to my knowledge) I was getting a hardon over a picture. How young was this? Young enough that I actually asked my mom why my penis was getting stiff while looking at those pictures.
(Yeah...I'm cringing now. I never did get an answer, something that puzzled and irked me until a few years ago.)
I could go on, but bondage...whether physical, or something imposed like house arrest or restrictions of activity, is a huge part of my kinky makeup. The helplessness of being tied down features in all my submissive fantasies. I want to be helpless, and everything else stems from that.
***
Punishment is an extension of the helplessness, I think. If someone has the authority to punish me, then I'm clearly beholden to them...and thus helpless to avoid the punishment just as if I were handcuffed to the chair. I have issues on a personal level with the "anti-punishment" sentiment I see more and more, and have even experienced in a few relationships (including my current one). It goes something like this:
"If you're going to submit, you should do so just because it's submitting. Breaking the rules is a grave, deep disrespect and should not be used to get punishment."
No offense if that (or something similar) is your mantra. Amy over at 24.7 posted something similar about this the other day, and in their situation it makes perfect sense. I'd even go as far to say it's a brilliant insight on the relationship (as if I know anything about the actual relationship).
But as for me? Getting punished is...fun. Part of the game. Nothing gets my blood pumping than being given silly, difficult to follow rules that are easy to break...because I know I'll end up being "bad" and being "set straight."
I also really get off on making those rules...it's fun to lead a sub into failure over what color socks they can wear on Tuesdays, just to "lovingly" correct them. It's part of my make up, my kink finger print.
Some things should be left alone though, and not treated in the "game" category. My collar necklace, for instance, is a symbol of more than the sum of it's parts. "Forgetting" it at home one day in order to provoke a punishment WOULD be disrespectful to the relationship. In my perfect world, there are rules that matter and rules set up just to toy with a sub's head.
But my point is...it's fun to be "in trouble." A lotta fun.
***
It's also a technique for getting attention one feels is lacking...just ask any misbehaved five year old. When they're good, mom and dad are able to do stuff that doesn't involve the kid. The kid is bad? Mom and dad have to pay attention.
Sub isn't getting spanked often enough? Not being put in the corner, tied up, made to eat veggies, etc etc etc? Well if the sub break the rules, the dominant will HAVE to punish the sub, right? Instant attention/affection/abuse!
I had one domme who made it clear I wasn't to break the rules simply to get punished. I got a lil annoyed at that...until the next part (and I paraphrase): "I don't need a reason to punish you. If you're feeling deprived of torture, all you have to do is tell me."
Not a bad compromise.
---Him
Monday, September 1, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Timing, and Sipping
Our schedules are difficult to time. I work ridiculously early, and she works ridiculously late. I'm generally sleeping when she gets home, and we only cross paths on the weekends...and only half of those.
Both of us being in the mood to play is challenging. Often, a craving for a full blown spanking and fucking session needs to be toned down, into a couple swats on the behind before drifting to sleep.
Adjusting needs and wants to reality...very tricky. Downplay it enough, the urge dies...and with it, most of my sex drive. Keep it ramped up...face the disappointment...and there goes the sex drive again. Both outcomes end up pleasing nobody.
But little things DO happen here and there. A smack on the ass as I walk by. Being told to skip lunch one day. A few strokes on the penis...and that's all. It's sipping from a glass of really sweet juice, and while I may not want just a sip...it still tastes good.
It's hard, but ultimately worth it, methinks.
---Him
Both of us being in the mood to play is challenging. Often, a craving for a full blown spanking and fucking session needs to be toned down, into a couple swats on the behind before drifting to sleep.
Adjusting needs and wants to reality...very tricky. Downplay it enough, the urge dies...and with it, most of my sex drive. Keep it ramped up...face the disappointment...and there goes the sex drive again. Both outcomes end up pleasing nobody.
But little things DO happen here and there. A smack on the ass as I walk by. Being told to skip lunch one day. A few strokes on the penis...and that's all. It's sipping from a glass of really sweet juice, and while I may not want just a sip...it still tastes good.
It's hard, but ultimately worth it, methinks.
---Him
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Being Pent Up and Kink and the Dratted Schedule
One of the extensions of our kink is a fairly common one...I don't masturbate without her permission. This, predictably, leads to situations where I'm pretty pent up. Horny out of my mind, you could say.
This creates a problem (for me, anyhow) when I spend several hours a day sitting around at home after my work is done, before hers is. We text message a lot, and that helps. She's even been known to give me the go ahead to relieve pressure via text.
I don't have a problem being pent up, really. It's counter-intuitive, but tease and denial is prolly my top fetish. I thoroughly enjoy being "bottled up" and not being able to do anything about it.
But...it makes me frisky. Very frisky. I want to play, and play a lot. I want, in short, kinky sex. I start craving bondage, spankings, clothespins on nipples. I start craving assignments to scrub the kitchen floor on my knees, in handcuffs, naked. Suddenly, having to stand in the corner for a half hour is incredibly erotic.
If any of these fantasies are indulged (even just role playing them out, via text or IM), I tend to switch at some point. I start thinking about stripping a girl naked, putting her in a hogtie. Watching her crawl across the floor, bend over for a spanking. My cock gets a lil twitchy thinking about her on her knees, fixing my coffee.
The problem is, once either train of thought starts, it's VERY hard to stop them without a climax. It can be done...but usually things spiral out of control for quite some time before sleep, work, or a game becomes enough of a distraction to cool me off. Fantasies get wilder, cravings become stronger, and it's been known to put me in one of those unfulfilled bad moods.
Back to being left on my own during the latter part of the day. This is one of those unavoidable situations all real romances have...but it's possibly the biggest challenge to my side of the kink game. When I'm most wanting to put the toy bag to use, her mind is rightfully on work. When she gets home, I can't blame her for wanting to simply do nothing (I had that chance, didn't I?).
By the time her friskiness would wake up, I'm winding down...falling asleep. Many nights were barely talk to each other, never mind smack each other on the ass. Often times, the kink boils down to miscellaneous chores and errands during the day and not much else.
How does everyone out there in cyberland deal with your schedule and working in the fun? Judging by the blogs, it seems to simply be a case of "Where there's a will, there's a way"...but I know first hand how a blog can be put together to create an illusion of constant fun ;-)
---Him
This creates a problem (for me, anyhow) when I spend several hours a day sitting around at home after my work is done, before hers is. We text message a lot, and that helps. She's even been known to give me the go ahead to relieve pressure via text.
I don't have a problem being pent up, really. It's counter-intuitive, but tease and denial is prolly my top fetish. I thoroughly enjoy being "bottled up" and not being able to do anything about it.
But...it makes me frisky. Very frisky. I want to play, and play a lot. I want, in short, kinky sex. I start craving bondage, spankings, clothespins on nipples. I start craving assignments to scrub the kitchen floor on my knees, in handcuffs, naked. Suddenly, having to stand in the corner for a half hour is incredibly erotic.
If any of these fantasies are indulged (even just role playing them out, via text or IM), I tend to switch at some point. I start thinking about stripping a girl naked, putting her in a hogtie. Watching her crawl across the floor, bend over for a spanking. My cock gets a lil twitchy thinking about her on her knees, fixing my coffee.
The problem is, once either train of thought starts, it's VERY hard to stop them without a climax. It can be done...but usually things spiral out of control for quite some time before sleep, work, or a game becomes enough of a distraction to cool me off. Fantasies get wilder, cravings become stronger, and it's been known to put me in one of those unfulfilled bad moods.
Back to being left on my own during the latter part of the day. This is one of those unavoidable situations all real romances have...but it's possibly the biggest challenge to my side of the kink game. When I'm most wanting to put the toy bag to use, her mind is rightfully on work. When she gets home, I can't blame her for wanting to simply do nothing (I had that chance, didn't I?).
By the time her friskiness would wake up, I'm winding down...falling asleep. Many nights were barely talk to each other, never mind smack each other on the ass. Often times, the kink boils down to miscellaneous chores and errands during the day and not much else.
How does everyone out there in cyberland deal with your schedule and working in the fun? Judging by the blogs, it seems to simply be a case of "Where there's a will, there's a way"...but I know first hand how a blog can be put together to create an illusion of constant fun ;-)
---Him
Saturday, August 23, 2008
A Fantasy
The carpet is soft, but the back of my mind knows it won't seem so for long. The warmth of the space is comforting...for now. It almost seems cozy in this closet, with the clothes and boxes around the edges. I look up from the floor, and your smirking face in the doorway.
"You're sure about this?" I hear the tenderness in your voice. The desire not to hurt your toy, your lover, your friend.
I nod, but feel the doubts now that you opened the door to them. I feel a little silly, kneeling naked on the floor of the closet. "Yes sugar."
You hesitate another moment more, before leaning down and giving me a kiss. I kiss back, my manhood coming to life.
"Well ok then. I'll see you in 9 hours or so." You step backwards out of the closet, closing the door behind you, cutting off the light. I hear a soft click as you pop the lock into place, and I feel the delicious thrill of being trapped.
I know in just a short while I'll regret this, the isolation, the lost hours. I'll wish I had avoided the discomfort, the boredom, the frustration. But for now, it's a damn good thing my hands are tied behind me...or I'd be breaking the rules, playing with myself.
---Him
"You're sure about this?" I hear the tenderness in your voice. The desire not to hurt your toy, your lover, your friend.
I nod, but feel the doubts now that you opened the door to them. I feel a little silly, kneeling naked on the floor of the closet. "Yes sugar."
You hesitate another moment more, before leaning down and giving me a kiss. I kiss back, my manhood coming to life.
"Well ok then. I'll see you in 9 hours or so." You step backwards out of the closet, closing the door behind you, cutting off the light. I hear a soft click as you pop the lock into place, and I feel the delicious thrill of being trapped.
I know in just a short while I'll regret this, the isolation, the lost hours. I'll wish I had avoided the discomfort, the boredom, the frustration. But for now, it's a damn good thing my hands are tied behind me...or I'd be breaking the rules, playing with myself.
---Him
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Sometimes...
Sometimes, I really wonder if this is the right lifestyle choice. Sometimes, I'm not so sure simply loving one another is enough to make our kink match up.
Sometimes, I feel selfish. Sometimes, I feel slighted. Sometimes, I feel on top of the world. Sometimes, I think I'm the most ridiculous person ever.
Sometimes, I want to just take of this damned collar/necklace forever. Sometimes, I wish there was more to signal what an owned submissive slut man I am.
Sometimes, it's easy. Sometimes, it's very very hard.
Sometimes, I wish I were normal. Sometimes, I wish I could live out my weirdest desires.
Sometimes, I wish I was sure it all works out when everything is averaged out.
Sometimes, I feel selfish. Sometimes, I feel slighted. Sometimes, I feel on top of the world. Sometimes, I think I'm the most ridiculous person ever.
Sometimes, I want to just take of this damned collar/necklace forever. Sometimes, I wish there was more to signal what an owned submissive slut man I am.
Sometimes, it's easy. Sometimes, it's very very hard.
Sometimes, I wish I were normal. Sometimes, I wish I could live out my weirdest desires.
Sometimes, I wish I was sure it all works out when everything is averaged out.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Apologies to Everyone...
...who may have been checking back in here, waiting to see when we were coming back. It's been a rough summer for kink, and in some ways the relationship itself. Between visits, almost buying a house, job changes, and overall chaos it's been hard to simply get enough sleep and rest, never mind blog or get up to hijinks.
But that said, we're back on the scene, ready to make a consistent effort to both keep the kink going in our lives and this blog. Watch this space for more, coming soon!
---Him
But that said, we're back on the scene, ready to make a consistent effort to both keep the kink going in our lives and this blog. Watch this space for more, coming soon!
---Him
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Birthday Spanks
So it's my birthday on Saturday and I'm very excited. I wonder if I'll get birthday spanks? I remember on His birthday last year I was sure to give Him His spanks, right in the kitchen, to be specific.
Things have been going very well. We're communicating as well as ever, and our kinky needs aren't quite getting satisfied, but I blame it entirely on the stress of living in one big room together. When we move into a bigger place in a couple months it will be different.
Last night He decided to tickle me. I hate this! So I picked up the new toy He displayed in the last post and swatted at his nipples. With His winces I started on His ass and got going for a good 5 minutes. It wasn't anything amazing, but a good round of regular discipline.
Here's to healthy lifestyles,
-Her
Things have been going very well. We're communicating as well as ever, and our kinky needs aren't quite getting satisfied, but I blame it entirely on the stress of living in one big room together. When we move into a bigger place in a couple months it will be different.
Last night He decided to tickle me. I hate this! So I picked up the new toy He displayed in the last post and swatted at his nipples. With His winces I started on His ass and got going for a good 5 minutes. It wasn't anything amazing, but a good round of regular discipline.
Here's to healthy lifestyles,
-Her
Thursday, April 17, 2008
New Toy
I was wandering through Spencer's the other day (Oh Spencers. How amusing your toy sections are, how ridiculous, how useless, how lusty).
I've bought some nice things from Spencer's over the years...a vibrator set, a couple pairs of cuffs, a nice rubber whip, and various other novelties like keychains, and those "love dice" things.
It's a novelty shop, so I'm always suspicious of what I just handed over my money for. I don't know if that's because of any particular disappointment (maybe lingering sadness at how easy I can escape aforementioned cuffs?) or not, but for some reason I always expect the worst.
Anyway, here is the new toy...a Cat o' Nine Tails!
I'm pleased to report, that after a mere playful over-the-shirt flogging, that thing is FAR more substantial than it looks. I mean, OUCH.
---Him
I've bought some nice things from Spencer's over the years...a vibrator set, a couple pairs of cuffs, a nice rubber whip, and various other novelties like keychains, and those "love dice" things.
It's a novelty shop, so I'm always suspicious of what I just handed over my money for. I don't know if that's because of any particular disappointment (maybe lingering sadness at how easy I can escape aforementioned cuffs?) or not, but for some reason I always expect the worst.
Anyway, here is the new toy...a Cat o' Nine Tails!
I'm pleased to report, that after a mere playful over-the-shirt flogging, that thing is FAR more substantial than it looks. I mean, OUCH.
---Him
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Not Dead Yet!
Just a quick note to let anyone who's curious know we're not quite dead yet.
Just busy with life, for the most part. Not a lot of kink. Or sex. Or much of anything, to be honest.
But that'll work itself out.
Now excuse me, it's time to get back to cleaning.
---Him
Just busy with life, for the most part. Not a lot of kink. Or sex. Or much of anything, to be honest.
But that'll work itself out.
Now excuse me, it's time to get back to cleaning.
---Him
Friday, March 14, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Mid Week Weekend Report
Howdy hey everyone,
Since She covered some of our fun but not all of it, I guess it's a subtle way of leaving me something to blog about.
I was over on the bed reading and feeling a bit frisky, in a terribly subby kinky sort of way. She was over on the couch, watching TV. Since we were already not really hanging out together, I slipped out of my clothes, then out of bed.
After a hug and a quick snuggle... "Do you think you could tie me up?" It's still pretty hard to verbalize desires like that...but I'm getting better.
She didn't make much of a reply, so I just kept on snuggling her from the floor. After a few minutes, she decided. "Go lay down. I'll be right there."
I did as I was told, and first came the fuzzy cuffs...
and then she climbed over to strap on the velcro cuffs...
and then she left me to stew for a while.
Yep, those ARE clothespins you see. They didn't hurt very much going on...but...after a while, they really weren't pleasant.
In fact, after a undetermined period of time I was uncuffed and set to cleaning the kitchen. At that point, between the time in clothespins and the extra movement...my nipples were in sheer agony. This led to a minor temper outburst *ashamed* but I did manage to get the kitchen done before getting let loose.
Nipple play is fun, because as erotic as it is...I can't say I enjoy it, lol.
Big lesson of the day? Speak up before the situation makes me lose my cool...
---Him
Since She covered some of our fun but not all of it, I guess it's a subtle way of leaving me something to blog about.
I was over on the bed reading and feeling a bit frisky, in a terribly subby kinky sort of way. She was over on the couch, watching TV. Since we were already not really hanging out together, I slipped out of my clothes, then out of bed.
After a hug and a quick snuggle... "Do you think you could tie me up?" It's still pretty hard to verbalize desires like that...but I'm getting better.
She didn't make much of a reply, so I just kept on snuggling her from the floor. After a few minutes, she decided. "Go lay down. I'll be right there."
I did as I was told, and first came the fuzzy cuffs...
and then she climbed over to strap on the velcro cuffs...
and then she left me to stew for a while.
Yep, those ARE clothespins you see. They didn't hurt very much going on...but...after a while, they really weren't pleasant.
In fact, after a undetermined period of time I was uncuffed and set to cleaning the kitchen. At that point, between the time in clothespins and the extra movement...my nipples were in sheer agony. This led to a minor temper outburst *ashamed* but I did manage to get the kitchen done before getting let loose.
Nipple play is fun, because as erotic as it is...I can't say I enjoy it, lol.
Big lesson of the day? Speak up before the situation makes me lose my cool...
---Him
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Man Spanking Girl
It has been far too long since He spanked me. We had been discussing our needs and wants lately, which resulted in a lovely spanking for me almost immediately after I woke up. It wasn't vicious but it was nice and warming.
I was squirming and wriggling under his hand with every blow. Leaning to the left, He would promptly give my right cheek a firm *SMACK*. Leaning to the left, He'd slap the left cheek. He used the slapper (pictured above), ping pong paddle, wooden spoon (MAN I HATE that one!!), and flogger. I don't so much mind the flogger. It actually feels kind of nice. The light little rubber strings stinging my bottom. Periodically a curse word would leave my lips, which prompted harder smacks from Him to correct my foul language. From then on I used "C'mon!" several times. He acted like He didn't know.. Sexy, but.. ultimately frustrating!
I had expressed to Him that I was really craving more play time with Him on top. For the past month or so it had been strictly me on top. This is fun, but it leaves me wanting more. I was beginning to feel like Domming was a chore.
We were in need of a change. So we discussed everything and decided on a few things. We need to work on expressing our needs and wants on a more frequent basis. It was getting to the point where He would want a spanking but wouldn't tell me about it. Or He'd want play time but wouldn't express it. So things continued to build until we had a little chat about it. We've worked things out and are going to be committing more time to playtime and making love.
Look for a new post soon from either of us with photos of our last play session. Him tied up on the bed, clothespins on the nipples, completely naked. Quite sexy if you ask me.
Here's to healthy lifestyles!
-Her
I was squirming and wriggling under his hand with every blow. Leaning to the left, He would promptly give my right cheek a firm *SMACK*. Leaning to the left, He'd slap the left cheek. He used the slapper (pictured above), ping pong paddle, wooden spoon (MAN I HATE that one!!), and flogger. I don't so much mind the flogger. It actually feels kind of nice. The light little rubber strings stinging my bottom. Periodically a curse word would leave my lips, which prompted harder smacks from Him to correct my foul language. From then on I used "C'mon!" several times. He acted like He didn't know.. Sexy, but.. ultimately frustrating!
I had expressed to Him that I was really craving more play time with Him on top. For the past month or so it had been strictly me on top. This is fun, but it leaves me wanting more. I was beginning to feel like Domming was a chore.
We were in need of a change. So we discussed everything and decided on a few things. We need to work on expressing our needs and wants on a more frequent basis. It was getting to the point where He would want a spanking but wouldn't tell me about it. Or He'd want play time but wouldn't express it. So things continued to build until we had a little chat about it. We've worked things out and are going to be committing more time to playtime and making love.
Look for a new post soon from either of us with photos of our last play session. Him tied up on the bed, clothespins on the nipples, completely naked. Quite sexy if you ask me.
Here's to healthy lifestyles!
-Her
MBS Spanko Brunch, on Cravings and Fulfillment
The topic this week over at My Bottom Smarts? "How often do people crave spankings and how often are they spanked?"
This really is a great question. I know personally, the craving hits at least once a day. Sometimes it's hard to narrow it down to just a specific craving...the thought of having my rear well-smacked just sits and simmers on the burner all day.
I almost wish I knew why this was the case, just like I almost wish I knew why I like much of what I like. I don't think there are any particular triggers to the cravings for me. The spanking urge happens to be just like any other: It's fun, so I wanna do it.
Now for the sad part of the story: we only manage to play about once every two weeks or so. It's complicated as to why we don't spank more often, but I think it can boil down to a lack of focus: There's just so much else going on in our lives it's hard to fit sex in, never mind extras.
As for Her, I can't speak for much. I do know she just had a sound thrashing yesterday *evil grin* we both enjoyed. It'd been far too long since I'd spanked Her, and as part of our recent discussions on needs and wants (post should be coming soon) we're thinking about getting into more of a spanking routine.
Bottom line? I think we both crave it much more than we get it, and it's time to see about fixing that!
---Him
This really is a great question. I know personally, the craving hits at least once a day. Sometimes it's hard to narrow it down to just a specific craving...the thought of having my rear well-smacked just sits and simmers on the burner all day.
I almost wish I knew why this was the case, just like I almost wish I knew why I like much of what I like. I don't think there are any particular triggers to the cravings for me. The spanking urge happens to be just like any other: It's fun, so I wanna do it.
Now for the sad part of the story: we only manage to play about once every two weeks or so. It's complicated as to why we don't spank more often, but I think it can boil down to a lack of focus: There's just so much else going on in our lives it's hard to fit sex in, never mind extras.
As for Her, I can't speak for much. I do know she just had a sound thrashing yesterday *evil grin* we both enjoyed. It'd been far too long since I'd spanked Her, and as part of our recent discussions on needs and wants (post should be coming soon) we're thinking about getting into more of a spanking routine.
Bottom line? I think we both crave it much more than we get it, and it's time to see about fixing that!
---Him
Friday, February 29, 2008
No Spanking
So, the spanking I'd mentioned didn't happen.
That's sad. And it hurts a lil, since there was a promise involved.
And it's frustrating, 'cause my bum really likes being whacked. And in my humble, submissive opinion it doesn't happen enough.
At the same time? I totally understand Her not being in the mood. I've been there. And even just as a guy screwing a girl, I wouldn't want Her to do something she didn't want to.
As a sub, I'm a lil thrilled she's comfortable enough saying, "No, I'm not in the mood. I know you really want it, but you're not getting it. Sorry."
It's hard tho, so hard. For a variety of reasons, we haven't been making love very often. Or having any sort of playtime. And...it's tough. I like playtime, ending in sex or not. The fact that she hasn't been in the mood is trying.
But...this is good, in a way. I AM the submissive. I DID agree to let her moods and preferences have priority. And that includes the non-sexy stuff, and the downright unhappy stuff. One of my goals in submitting to Her is to make it more 24/7, more about the little things throughout our lives, and not only "Yes Mistress" during sex.
It's hard, and sometimes she's not comfortable pushing me to remember this goal. This is a perfect chance to practice tamping down my own desires and know she's not likely to give up just to stop me from being a lil pouty.
It's humbling to going to bed horny and unsatisfied, and realize it's more than a little nice.
---Him
That's sad. And it hurts a lil, since there was a promise involved.
And it's frustrating, 'cause my bum really likes being whacked. And in my humble, submissive opinion it doesn't happen enough.
At the same time? I totally understand Her not being in the mood. I've been there. And even just as a guy screwing a girl, I wouldn't want Her to do something she didn't want to.
As a sub, I'm a lil thrilled she's comfortable enough saying, "No, I'm not in the mood. I know you really want it, but you're not getting it. Sorry."
It's hard tho, so hard. For a variety of reasons, we haven't been making love very often. Or having any sort of playtime. And...it's tough. I like playtime, ending in sex or not. The fact that she hasn't been in the mood is trying.
But...this is good, in a way. I AM the submissive. I DID agree to let her moods and preferences have priority. And that includes the non-sexy stuff, and the downright unhappy stuff. One of my goals in submitting to Her is to make it more 24/7, more about the little things throughout our lives, and not only "Yes Mistress" during sex.
It's hard, and sometimes she's not comfortable pushing me to remember this goal. This is a perfect chance to practice tamping down my own desires and know she's not likely to give up just to stop me from being a lil pouty.
It's humbling to going to bed horny and unsatisfied, and realize it's more than a little nice.
---Him
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Spanking?
There's supposedly a spanking in the works tonight...since it's a dull TV night, and since she hasn't been in the mood the last couple times I've asked.
There was a pesky problem with a not-so-raging erection last night during playtime...but I don't think that will cut down on the fun.
Now to decide if I can get all my work done in time to tie myself to the bed before she gets home...
Watch this space for some photos, either way!
---Him
There was a pesky problem with a not-so-raging erection last night during playtime...but I don't think that will cut down on the fun.
Now to decide if I can get all my work done in time to tie myself to the bed before she gets home...
Watch this space for some photos, either way!
---Him
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Punishment/Consequences and their Role in Submission
So...as I mentioned on Sunday, I've been starting to think that maybe punishment can serve a better role in a d/s relationship than simply turning me on.
That's been my primary argument (mostly with myself) against punishing a sub. In a lotta cases, it's a game...I like being spanked, teased and denied, and otherwise being made uncomfortable or humiliated. I'm even getting a little turned on right now writing about it.
If the goal is to be submissive, to put my domme first, to be worthy of wearing her collar...then punishment shouldn't play a role in that end of it. If I'm truly submissive, then I shouldn't NEED correcting; I should just do what's going to please Her.
Meh...yes and no. I'm not always, by nature, a submissive person. I've spent most of my professional life and much of my personal life being that guy in charge. I try to work hard so I feel justified relaxing. I like to set my life up to make me happy.
Which means...it's not always first on my mind to keep everything neat and tidy around the house. Sometimes I let cleaning the kitchen slip from 1st to 3rd priority. I rationalize: "She'll understand I had this and this to do as well."
I'm sort of cringing as I type all that out, because...a vast majority of the time (and not always when horny, which is surprizing to me) I want to do better than that. I know I can do better, I know I can get what she wants done AND everything else.
And if I can't? I should be willing to sacrifice to do what she wants. If it comes down to a choice between reading and having the dishes done before she comes home...the book shouldn't get opened. I know that, and I genuinely want that.
But habits are hard to break. And while I'd love to take all the blame, she really isn't in the domme mindset 24/7, where she's waiting for an excuse to bring me into line. We'll go days, even weeks where there isn't a hint of d/s in the relationship...and it's easy for me to just go with it, hover in that equality realm. To break any subservient habits I've formed.
So she and I discussed last night (briefly, it wasn't the main issue last night) that it might be time to put a rule or two in place, and establish consquences. There was a case this week where I forgot to wear my collar to work, and I felt bad and sorry and knew I deserved to be punished (something thoroughly unsexy, say losing coffee priviledges or something)...but nothing happened.
I'm not the type of guy who can sub alone...so we're going to explore some ideas, and see how they fit with us.
That's been my primary argument (mostly with myself) against punishing a sub. In a lotta cases, it's a game...I like being spanked, teased and denied, and otherwise being made uncomfortable or humiliated. I'm even getting a little turned on right now writing about it.
If the goal is to be submissive, to put my domme first, to be worthy of wearing her collar...then punishment shouldn't play a role in that end of it. If I'm truly submissive, then I shouldn't NEED correcting; I should just do what's going to please Her.
Meh...yes and no. I'm not always, by nature, a submissive person. I've spent most of my professional life and much of my personal life being that guy in charge. I try to work hard so I feel justified relaxing. I like to set my life up to make me happy.
Which means...it's not always first on my mind to keep everything neat and tidy around the house. Sometimes I let cleaning the kitchen slip from 1st to 3rd priority. I rationalize: "She'll understand I had this and this to do as well."
I'm sort of cringing as I type all that out, because...a vast majority of the time (and not always when horny, which is surprizing to me) I want to do better than that. I know I can do better, I know I can get what she wants done AND everything else.
And if I can't? I should be willing to sacrifice to do what she wants. If it comes down to a choice between reading and having the dishes done before she comes home...the book shouldn't get opened. I know that, and I genuinely want that.
But habits are hard to break. And while I'd love to take all the blame, she really isn't in the domme mindset 24/7, where she's waiting for an excuse to bring me into line. We'll go days, even weeks where there isn't a hint of d/s in the relationship...and it's easy for me to just go with it, hover in that equality realm. To break any subservient habits I've formed.
So she and I discussed last night (briefly, it wasn't the main issue last night) that it might be time to put a rule or two in place, and establish consquences. There was a case this week where I forgot to wear my collar to work, and I felt bad and sorry and knew I deserved to be punished (something thoroughly unsexy, say losing coffee priviledges or something)...but nothing happened.
I'm not the type of guy who can sub alone...so we're going to explore some ideas, and see how they fit with us.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Suggestions, comments, concerns? We'd love to hear it!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Back to the Spanko Brunch
So it's been a long hiatus, for multiple reasons, some of which were detailed by Her in her last post. Time to start getting back into things again.
So here I am, looking over at the topic Bonnie put forth on My Bottom Smarts: "If we enjoy spankings, how can they be effective as a punishment?"
It's kinda funny, since I've been thinking about this particular tidbit a lot lately, as I've been forgetful about things, a little on the selfish side, and just all around not-as-good-as-I-could-be. After a couple incidents of misbehavior (for a lack of a better term, tho it's not quite that simple), I started thinking, "There really need to be consequences for this sort of thing."
The road forks here...the whole "punishment vs casual d/s" theme should be continued this week, so...come back then to get more specifics on this story. But the Brunch part of this goes on below.
I've also been craving a spanking all week, since planned playtime got hijacked by some other things last weekend. So part of me is going, "Do I want a spanking, or do I want correction? Are they one and the same? Or do I like spanks too much for it to serve as a corrective action?"
The truth for me is a lot of things sound REALLY sexy...until they happen. Cold showers, for instance. The idea of being forced to take one is really hott, but...I hate them with a passion once I'm under the water. Standing in a corner...sexy, until it hits the point where the arousal wears off and I'm simply standing with my nose in a dusty corner of the room.
At the same time, standing in a corner while being teased or otherwise played with is a lot more fun. A cold shower with Her standing outside the tub, giggling at me, is more enjoyable than being alone. So the manner in which the "punishment" takes place makes all the difference.
A spanking done "just because" or because I was "such a naughty boy, flaunting that butt" is WAY different than one done because I've been "disappointing" or a "bad sub." The tone of voice She uses to frame the spanking and the lecturing (or worse, the silence) goes a long way to bringing something fun to something awful.
There's also differences in techniques. A hard, fast spanking with no warm up wouldn't be fun (at least not satisfying) under any circumstances. There are also different toys She can use on me that HURT, and not in the "Oh BABY" way.
In summary, a spanking can easily be used as a punishment in my case simply by changing the context and making it HURT.
What do you think? Check out this week's MBS Spanko Brunch to learn more, voice your thoughts, and read what everyone else is thinking!
---Him
So here I am, looking over at the topic Bonnie put forth on My Bottom Smarts: "If we enjoy spankings, how can they be effective as a punishment?"
It's kinda funny, since I've been thinking about this particular tidbit a lot lately, as I've been forgetful about things, a little on the selfish side, and just all around not-as-good-as-I-could-be. After a couple incidents of misbehavior (for a lack of a better term, tho it's not quite that simple), I started thinking, "There really need to be consequences for this sort of thing."
The road forks here...the whole "punishment vs casual d/s" theme should be continued this week, so...come back then to get more specifics on this story. But the Brunch part of this goes on below.
I've also been craving a spanking all week, since planned playtime got hijacked by some other things last weekend. So part of me is going, "Do I want a spanking, or do I want correction? Are they one and the same? Or do I like spanks too much for it to serve as a corrective action?"
The truth for me is a lot of things sound REALLY sexy...until they happen. Cold showers, for instance. The idea of being forced to take one is really hott, but...I hate them with a passion once I'm under the water. Standing in a corner...sexy, until it hits the point where the arousal wears off and I'm simply standing with my nose in a dusty corner of the room.
At the same time, standing in a corner while being teased or otherwise played with is a lot more fun. A cold shower with Her standing outside the tub, giggling at me, is more enjoyable than being alone. So the manner in which the "punishment" takes place makes all the difference.
A spanking done "just because" or because I was "such a naughty boy, flaunting that butt" is WAY different than one done because I've been "disappointing" or a "bad sub." The tone of voice She uses to frame the spanking and the lecturing (or worse, the silence) goes a long way to bringing something fun to something awful.
There's also differences in techniques. A hard, fast spanking with no warm up wouldn't be fun (at least not satisfying) under any circumstances. There are also different toys She can use on me that HURT, and not in the "Oh BABY" way.
In summary, a spanking can easily be used as a punishment in my case simply by changing the context and making it HURT.
What do you think? Check out this week's MBS Spanko Brunch to learn more, voice your thoughts, and read what everyone else is thinking!
---Him
Monday, February 11, 2008
Adventures in Living Together
Greetings, all! I must apologize for my absence and lack of posts. As He described, I was busy moving in to my new place. This new place had no internet, and no cable. I then moved on to being busy with a brand new job. Getting accustomed to new things means moving in to a new routine, and anyone who knows me knows it takes a little while for me to get used to a new routine. Well as I am finally settling down, some things happened to where He had to move in with me. We both thought it was for the best. It's been about 8 months now that we've been together and we felt it was the right time for it, despite both our families warning us about the risks of having babies. ---Which we both well know and are aware of---
So then it was both He and I in this little studio apartment trying to work everything out as far as unpacking, meshing our lives together and so on.. then a week ago we decided to get a cat. At one point we were making love, only to finish and have a cat jump up on the bed, practically saying, "OK, now you're done, and it's MY turn"
The other morning we had a little fun. He has started a new part time job, so he was waking up to go to his day-long orientation. It was my day off so I was just lounging about in bed. At some point while he was getting ready, we were kissing and playing around and He leaned over my lap, for some reason. I immediately took the opportunity to give Him a big *SLAP* right on the ass. He practically giggled at this, so I continued for a good 10 minutes. I couldn't help it, He just handed me the opportunity to give him a good spanking on a silver platter.
At one point I came home from work a couple weeks ago to find a handcuffed boy on the bed, spread out and waiting for me. I left Him alone while I cleaned up the kitchen and then I told Him I didn't want Him then, and that I'd take Him a little later. This was deliciously fun for me, having all the power. But then I also know He loves to be teased and denied.
Next time there will be photos. Now that we're living together we have no excuse to not take photographs for your enjoyment.
Here's to healthy lifestyles,
-Her
So then it was both He and I in this little studio apartment trying to work everything out as far as unpacking, meshing our lives together and so on.. then a week ago we decided to get a cat. At one point we were making love, only to finish and have a cat jump up on the bed, practically saying, "OK, now you're done, and it's MY turn"
The other morning we had a little fun. He has started a new part time job, so he was waking up to go to his day-long orientation. It was my day off so I was just lounging about in bed. At some point while he was getting ready, we were kissing and playing around and He leaned over my lap, for some reason. I immediately took the opportunity to give Him a big *SLAP* right on the ass. He practically giggled at this, so I continued for a good 10 minutes. I couldn't help it, He just handed me the opportunity to give him a good spanking on a silver platter.
At one point I came home from work a couple weeks ago to find a handcuffed boy on the bed, spread out and waiting for me. I left Him alone while I cleaned up the kitchen and then I told Him I didn't want Him then, and that I'd take Him a little later. This was deliciously fun for me, having all the power. But then I also know He loves to be teased and denied.
Next time there will be photos. Now that we're living together we have no excuse to not take photographs for your enjoyment.
Here's to healthy lifestyles,
-Her
Sunday, January 27, 2008
More Coming Soon, Promise...
Since it's been about 2 weeks since the last post, I have to say...it's coming.
We've finisheed moving in. I'm now in Her place, and settled in (more or less). We're still feeling our way out through living together, including what incarnation our d/s dynamic is going to have.
That's in fact the subject of an upcoming post that we're thrashing out.
We're looking to do a few things, including more photos of all types. Things are prolly going to get much more explicit than they have been (if that's possible?).
Also upcoming is the series I promised on dominance and submission will be showing up...I've outlined it, now just to write it.
A third item to look forward to is the story I started...again, it's outlined and being written.
So stay tuned...there will be interesting things to watch for!
---Him
We've finisheed moving in. I'm now in Her place, and settled in (more or less). We're still feeling our way out through living together, including what incarnation our d/s dynamic is going to have.
That's in fact the subject of an upcoming post that we're thrashing out.
We're looking to do a few things, including more photos of all types. Things are prolly going to get much more explicit than they have been (if that's possible?).
Also upcoming is the series I promised on dominance and submission will be showing up...I've outlined it, now just to write it.
A third item to look forward to is the story I started...again, it's outlined and being written.
So stay tuned...there will be interesting things to watch for!
---Him
Monday, January 14, 2008
Just for Fun...
My butt has been getting FAR more attention lately...She's found a decided pleasure in spanking, and I'm finally getting the spanks I've craved for years.
We'll have to take more pictures...this is an old, playful spanking. My last one wound up MUCH more red.
---Him
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Oh man...
Hi everyone who's still reading!
Between Her move, the lack of internet there, my job, an extensive vacation, upcoming life changes (which should be a really good thing for this blog), and a few other life-like details...we've been slacking.
Our relationship has been active and progressing, and there's been a few opportunities missed to post some yummy pictures and stories about our playtime.
So give us some time...we'll be back sooner than you think!
PS: My apologies to everyone who's comments got hung up in Moderation. I corrected the oversight, and have nothing to say for it except it's just another area we've been slacking.
---Him
Between Her move, the lack of internet there, my job, an extensive vacation, upcoming life changes (which should be a really good thing for this blog), and a few other life-like details...we've been slacking.
Our relationship has been active and progressing, and there's been a few opportunities missed to post some yummy pictures and stories about our playtime.
So give us some time...we'll be back sooner than you think!
PS: My apologies to everyone who's comments got hung up in Moderation. I corrected the oversight, and have nothing to say for it except it's just another area we've been slacking.
---Him
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
