Timing, and Sipping

Our schedules are difficult to time. I work ridiculously early, and she works ridiculously late. I'm generally sleeping when she gets home, and we only cross paths on the weekends...and only half of those.

Both of us being in the mood to play is challenging. Often, a craving for a full blown spanking and fucking session needs to be toned down, into a couple swats on the behind before drifting to sleep.

Adjusting needs and wants to reality...very tricky. Downplay it enough, the urge dies...and with it, most of my sex drive. Keep it ramped up...face the disappointment...and there goes the sex drive again. Both outcomes end up pleasing nobody.

But little things DO happen here and there. A smack on the ass as I walk by. Being told to skip lunch one day. A few strokes on the penis...and that's all. It's sipping from a glass of really sweet juice, and while I may not want just a sip...it still tastes good.

It's hard, but ultimately worth it, methinks.

---Him

Being Pent Up and Kink and the Dratted Schedule

One of the extensions of our kink is a fairly common one...I don't masturbate without her permission. This, predictably, leads to situations where I'm pretty pent up. Horny out of my mind, you could say.

This creates a problem (for me, anyhow) when I spend several hours a day sitting around at home after my work is done, before hers is. We text message a lot, and that helps. She's even been known to give me the go ahead to relieve pressure via text.

I don't have a problem being pent up, really. It's counter-intuitive, but tease and denial is prolly my top fetish. I thoroughly enjoy being "bottled up" and not being able to do anything about it.

But...it makes me frisky. Very frisky. I want to play, and play a lot. I want, in short, kinky sex. I start craving bondage, spankings, clothespins on nipples. I start craving assignments to scrub the kitchen floor on my knees, in handcuffs, naked. Suddenly, having to stand in the corner for a half hour is incredibly erotic.

If any of these fantasies are indulged (even just role playing them out, via text or IM), I tend to switch at some point. I start thinking about stripping a girl naked, putting her in a hogtie. Watching her crawl across the floor, bend over for a spanking. My cock gets a lil twitchy thinking about her on her knees, fixing my coffee.

The problem is, once either train of thought starts, it's VERY hard to stop them without a climax. It can be done...but usually things spiral out of control for quite some time before sleep, work, or a game becomes enough of a distraction to cool me off. Fantasies get wilder, cravings become stronger, and it's been known to put me in one of those unfulfilled bad moods.

Back to being left on my own during the latter part of the day. This is one of those unavoidable situations all real romances have...but it's possibly the biggest challenge to my side of the kink game. When I'm most wanting to put the toy bag to use, her mind is rightfully on work. When she gets home, I can't blame her for wanting to simply do nothing (I had that chance, didn't I?).

By the time her friskiness would wake up, I'm winding down...falling asleep. Many nights were barely talk to each other, never mind smack each other on the ass. Often times, the kink boils down to miscellaneous chores and errands during the day and not much else.

How does everyone out there in cyberland deal with your schedule and working in the fun? Judging by the blogs, it seems to simply be a case of "Where there's a will, there's a way"...but I know first hand how a blog can be put together to create an illusion of constant fun ;-)

---Him

Mid Week Weekend Report

Howdy hey everyone,

Since She covered some of our fun but not all of it, I guess it's a subtle way of leaving me something to blog about.

I was over on the bed reading and feeling a bit frisky, in a terribly subby kinky sort of way. She was over on the couch, watching TV. Since we were already not really hanging out together, I slipped out of my clothes, then out of bed.

After a hug and a quick snuggle... "Do you think you could tie me up?" It's still pretty hard to verbalize desires like that...but I'm getting better.

She didn't make much of a reply, so I just kept on snuggling her from the floor. After a few minutes, she decided. "Go lay down. I'll be right there."

I did as I was told, and first came the fuzzy cuffs...



and then she climbed over to strap on the velcro cuffs...



and then she left me to stew for a while.



Yep, those ARE clothespins you see. They didn't hurt very much going on...but...after a while, they really weren't pleasant.

In fact, after a undetermined period of time I was uncuffed and set to cleaning the kitchen. At that point, between the time in clothespins and the extra movement...my nipples were in sheer agony. This led to a minor temper outburst *ashamed* but I did manage to get the kitchen done before getting let loose.





Nipple play is fun, because as erotic as it is...I can't say I enjoy it, lol.

Big lesson of the day? Speak up before the situation makes me lose my cool...

---Him

Man Spanking Girl

It has been far too long since He spanked me. We had been discussing our needs and wants lately, which resulted in a lovely spanking for me almost immediately after I woke up. It wasn't vicious but it was nice and warming.



I was squirming and wriggling under his hand with every blow. Leaning to the left, He would promptly give my right cheek a firm *SMACK*. Leaning to the left, He'd slap the left cheek. He used the slapper (pictured above), ping pong paddle, wooden spoon (MAN I HATE that one!!), and flogger. I don't so much mind the flogger. It actually feels kind of nice. The light little rubber strings stinging my bottom. Periodically a curse word would leave my lips, which prompted harder smacks from Him to correct my foul language. From then on I used "C'mon!" several times. He acted like He didn't know.. Sexy, but.. ultimately frustrating!

I had expressed to Him that I was really craving more play time with Him on top. For the past month or so it had been strictly me on top. This is fun, but it leaves me wanting more. I was beginning to feel like Domming was a chore.

We were in need of a change. So we discussed everything and decided on a few things. We need to work on expressing our needs and wants on a more frequent basis. It was getting to the point where He would want a spanking but wouldn't tell me about it. Or He'd want play time but wouldn't express it. So things continued to build until we had a little chat about it. We've worked things out and are going to be committing more time to playtime and making love.

Look for a new post soon from either of us with photos of our last play session. Him tied up on the bed, clothespins on the nipples, completely naked. Quite sexy if you ask me.

Here's to healthy lifestyles!
-Her

Punishment/Consequences and their Role in Submission

So...as I mentioned on Sunday, I've been starting to think that maybe punishment can serve a better role in a d/s relationship than simply turning me on.

That's been my primary argument (mostly with myself) against punishing a sub. In a lotta cases, it's a game...I like being spanked, teased and denied, and otherwise being made uncomfortable or humiliated. I'm even getting a little turned on right now writing about it.

If the goal is to be submissive, to put my domme first, to be worthy of wearing her collar...then punishment shouldn't play a role in that end of it. If I'm truly submissive, then I shouldn't NEED correcting; I should just do what's going to please Her.

Meh...yes and no. I'm not always, by nature, a submissive person. I've spent most of my professional life and much of my personal life being that guy in charge. I try to work hard so I feel justified relaxing. I like to set my life up to make me happy.

Which means...it's not always first on my mind to keep everything neat and tidy around the house. Sometimes I let cleaning the kitchen slip from 1st to 3rd priority. I rationalize: "She'll understand I had this and this to do as well."

I'm sort of cringing as I type all that out, because...a vast majority of the time (and not always when horny, which is surprizing to me) I want to do better than that. I know I can do better, I know I can get what she wants done AND everything else.

And if I can't? I should be willing to sacrifice to do what she wants. If it comes down to a choice between reading and having the dishes done before she comes home...the book shouldn't get opened. I know that, and I genuinely want that.

But habits are hard to break. And while I'd love to take all the blame, she really isn't in the domme mindset 24/7, where she's waiting for an excuse to bring me into line. We'll go days, even weeks where there isn't a hint of d/s in the relationship...and it's easy for me to just go with it, hover in that equality realm. To break any subservient habits I've formed.

So she and I discussed last night (briefly, it wasn't the main issue last night) that it might be time to put a rule or two in place, and establish consquences. There was a case this week where I forgot to wear my collar to work, and I felt bad and sorry and knew I deserved to be punished (something thoroughly unsexy, say losing coffee priviledges or something)...but nothing happened.

I'm not the type of guy who can sub alone...so we're going to explore some ideas, and see how they fit with us.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Suggestions, comments, concerns? We'd love to hear it!

---Him

MBS Spanko Brunch Musings

Howdy everyone. I know it's been a better part of a week since anyone's heard tell of us, but that's just how it goes sometimes, sadly.

She is right in the middle of a move (not closer to me, sadly) and hasn't been able to find the time to post. My coursework has been sucking my soul, and so posting hasn't been at the top of my list either. Sorry to all if we're boring you!

Now onto the Brunch. This week's question:

"Do you think it's reasonable for a spankee to ask to be spanked? During the course of a spanking, may the spankee ask for more swats or greater intensity? Have you asked or been asked? What was the spanker's response?"

I've been in situations of "scene play" where it's been "disrespectful" and "out of place" to make any requests for the spankee's/sub's desires in mind, and think that can be lots of fun. "Forcing" someone, or being "forced," to think and act contrary to one's desires is part of the charm of BDSM for me. Not asking for what one wants because one is submitting to another's desires can be an enjoyable aspect of things.

But at the same time, in a long term romance everyone's needs and desires need to be respected and fulfilled. Sometimes it's hard to watch for the little signs that she needs a spanking. Often times she doesn't have a single thought towards spanking me unless I bring it up. If no one asked for what they need, it's hard for everyone to be happy.

As for during a spanking, it's fun to see if I can spank her as hard as she asks for. I like it when she asks for worse...I don't feel obligated to do it always, but it can be fun to see if I can actually spank as well as she wants. The couple times I've been under her hand, I've been compelled to ask for more...didn't quite get it as bad as I was hoping, I have to say, but she did oblige in picking up the intensity for me.

In either case, I think it's just part of the healthy communication between a couple, not unlike one partner asking for sex or a hug. Depending on the details (are the spankings for the spanker's pleasure, or the spankee's? Is this playtime, or punishment?) is where the gray area is. I think the spankee should always feel free to ask, but not necessarily expect to be accomodated. A big chunk of the spanking experience is not being in total control.

Thanks to Bonnie for another great topic!

---Him

Common Thoughts

He and I are actually going through a lot of the same thought processes lately.

For the longest time I thought I was a submissive and I could never domme a man, nor could I EVER imagine myself spanking one. But since he has come into my life, I have drastically changed. My need for control in regular life routines has crossed over into my romantic life, and even occasionally into the bedroom. Two areas of my life where I thought were completely submissive.

I just find myself unwilling to completely submit. I would rather continue doing what I want while controlling what He does. What helped me realize this was His complete, continuing cooperation in exploring all sides of ourselves.

He did recently officially submit to me. No collaring process or anything, it was just us sitting around talking about what we wanted, and for now it includes me having the veto power!

Strangely, he still has power over my social life. Hrm.

So next weekend we're going to a Halloween party. We had discussed going as a BDSM couple, Miss Piggy & Kermit, and those options just weren't jumping out at us. After a brainstorming session, He came up with Pepe LePeu and his kitty lover.
He'll most likely end up not doing much of the drinking, and I will!!! That's alright. His purpose there will be to protect me and take care of His Mistress. I think all in all we'll have a good time.

Here's to healthy lifestyles!

-Her

Switch Deluxe

Hi all. I've got an interesting development in our relationship to relay to everyone. Essentially, I've taken on the role as the primary submissive in the relationship.

We had a running conversation over the last couple weeks about submission and dominance. I've been feeling more frisky lately, and been frustrated when my attempts to dom her ended up with me pissed at such a disobediant brat and her frustrated that I'm not pushing her buttons very well.

She's also been gradually putting her foot down more, being more dominant in situations where she wants her way. Somewhere along the way she realized I was more than happy to obey her when she got all bossy with me. Even if that meant taking the lead in bed (not always my favorite).

Early last week, I kept making hints and asking permission for things during a chat. The results were amazing, in my eyes. She took right over from me, becoming micro-managing, demanding, and not allowing me any sexual relief. This put me into 7th heaven, since I don't get this sort of treatment from my sugar very often. The tighter she held onto control (forbidding me to look at other girls, keeping a notebook of infractions, sending me to bed, making me get up at a certain time) the deeper I went into sub-space.

Until we had a long chat one day in which I confessed how much I enjoyed and craved submitting to her. How much I liked her having the final say over things, how I liked knowing I was accountable to her. She told me while she enjoyed being dominated in bed, it drove her insane to have to obey someone else's orders. And how "fun" she found bossing me around.

So...the tentative arrangement was me submitting to her in general, full time. While nothing changes too much in our ordinary way of things, she does get final say. I'm obligated to listen to her instructions more closely. The "no looking" rule has been made permanent, and I'm not allowed to touch myself without her permission (and not allowed to ask for it either!).

I know there will be plenty of times she will need me to take the lead, and I embrace that as much as I embrace having to explain why I spent time looking at a classmate's feet. However, I feel so good about my new role, so happy that she official has control over me. The day after this arrangement I woke up so turned on...and so thrilled I had to control myself and stay horny for her.

I only hope I can make this as pleasurable for her as it is for me!

---Him

Meeting in the country

So we decided to meet between where we live from each other, in a small town community, to see a movie together and spend some time with each other after I had been out of the area for the past 3 days and had NO outside communication. Apparently he had been going crazy not being able to contact me, and I returned to find a good 2 handfuls of emails from him telling me how much he missed me and how he was annoyed he couldn't even tell me the smallest thing, like that he'd gotten a haircut. How flattering :)

I'm finding it more and more confusing, mentally, trying to figure out what exactly I want most of the time. I'm finding more and more that I really am a switch. Sometimes I'm wanting to jump him on the spot, tie him down and have my way with him. But then other times I just want him to hold me down, kiss me forcefully and just have his fun with me.

-Yes, I do admit to having a rape fantasy... but what woman doesn't?-

During the movie I decided I'd tease and torture him a little bit. There was only one couple in there besides us and I thought it would be really fun to have a wriggling, squirmy boy in the seat next to me. So I made sure to tickle his sides, his belly, his underarms, and I even reached a hand up his shorts to tickle his privates that he was silly enough to leave sans underwear. And he wanted to do that for the thrill of having no underwear. I gave him his thrill. Even afterwards, when we were just hanging out in my car, I had my fun tickling him and teasing him. From licking and kissing his neck to licking and sucking and breathing gently into his ear, he and I worked ourselves up to the point we were considering finding a secluded area. But we thought better of it and just left the teasing to what it was.

As fun as it was having the upper hand in the whole teasing thing... I had the strongest desire for him to take me into the back seat - leave all clothes on - lay on top of me, make out with me, grope and squeeze and tease my breasts, play with my oh-so-sensitive neck, wrap his strong, manly hand around my throat and squeeze as he kisses me. I really do get amazingly turned on when he starts choking me. Unfortunately this didn't play out - I wasn't surprised, considering the circumstances - but I still have the fantasy, and someday it will come true!

-Her