The Kink Fingerprint and Punishment

Anyone who's been into the BDSM corner of the blogosphere more than 15 minutes will realize kink is like fingerprints. Each set is unique. Even when they look the same, they're not. When you think someone is talking about the exact same fetish or activity you are, the odds are really, really good there's a subtle (or not so subtle) difference that makes it new and different from your brand.

I've known about my kinky tendencies for...probably fifteen years now, easy. A "Where's Waldo" book turned me on to bondage. I kid you not, ladies and gentlemen. I believe it was this blue book...tho the yellow and red one has some goodies too...that had a scene where kids are running rampant in a museum. One of the weird little scenes within the scenes was a guard locked in a set of stocks, barefoot, being tickled by some kids.

My unorthodox (or not really?) introduction to kinky porn. Even before girls were sexualized (they'd always been pleasant things to be around...I didn't have a "cooties" phase, to my knowledge) I was getting a hardon over a picture. How young was this? Young enough that I actually asked my mom why my penis was getting stiff while looking at those pictures.

(Yeah...I'm cringing now. I never did get an answer, something that puzzled and irked me until a few years ago.)

I could go on, but bondage...whether physical, or something imposed like house arrest or restrictions of activity, is a huge part of my kinky makeup. The helplessness of being tied down features in all my submissive fantasies. I want to be helpless, and everything else stems from that.

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Punishment is an extension of the helplessness, I think. If someone has the authority to punish me, then I'm clearly beholden to them...and thus helpless to avoid the punishment just as if I were handcuffed to the chair. I have issues on a personal level with the "anti-punishment" sentiment I see more and more, and have even experienced in a few relationships (including my current one). It goes something like this:

"If you're going to submit, you should do so just because it's submitting. Breaking the rules is a grave, deep disrespect and should not be used to get punishment."

No offense if that (or something similar) is your mantra. Amy over at 24.7 posted something similar about this the other day, and in their situation it makes perfect sense. I'd even go as far to say it's a brilliant insight on the relationship (as if I know anything about the actual relationship).

But as for me? Getting punished is...fun. Part of the game. Nothing gets my blood pumping than being given silly, difficult to follow rules that are easy to break...because I know I'll end up being "bad" and being "set straight."

I also really get off on making those rules...it's fun to lead a sub into failure over what color socks they can wear on Tuesdays, just to "lovingly" correct them. It's part of my make up, my kink finger print.

Some things should be left alone though, and not treated in the "game" category. My collar necklace, for instance, is a symbol of more than the sum of it's parts. "Forgetting" it at home one day in order to provoke a punishment WOULD be disrespectful to the relationship. In my perfect world, there are rules that matter and rules set up just to toy with a sub's head.

But my point is...it's fun to be "in trouble." A lotta fun.

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It's also a technique for getting attention one feels is lacking...just ask any misbehaved five year old. When they're good, mom and dad are able to do stuff that doesn't involve the kid. The kid is bad? Mom and dad have to pay attention.

Sub isn't getting spanked often enough? Not being put in the corner, tied up, made to eat veggies, etc etc etc? Well if the sub break the rules, the dominant will HAVE to punish the sub, right? Instant attention/affection/abuse!

I had one domme who made it clear I wasn't to break the rules simply to get punished. I got a lil annoyed at that...until the next part (and I paraphrase): "I don't need a reason to punish you. If you're feeling deprived of torture, all you have to do is tell me."

Not a bad compromise.

---Him

Timing, and Sipping

Our schedules are difficult to time. I work ridiculously early, and she works ridiculously late. I'm generally sleeping when she gets home, and we only cross paths on the weekends...and only half of those.

Both of us being in the mood to play is challenging. Often, a craving for a full blown spanking and fucking session needs to be toned down, into a couple swats on the behind before drifting to sleep.

Adjusting needs and wants to reality...very tricky. Downplay it enough, the urge dies...and with it, most of my sex drive. Keep it ramped up...face the disappointment...and there goes the sex drive again. Both outcomes end up pleasing nobody.

But little things DO happen here and there. A smack on the ass as I walk by. Being told to skip lunch one day. A few strokes on the penis...and that's all. It's sipping from a glass of really sweet juice, and while I may not want just a sip...it still tastes good.

It's hard, but ultimately worth it, methinks.

---Him

Being Pent Up and Kink and the Dratted Schedule

One of the extensions of our kink is a fairly common one...I don't masturbate without her permission. This, predictably, leads to situations where I'm pretty pent up. Horny out of my mind, you could say.

This creates a problem (for me, anyhow) when I spend several hours a day sitting around at home after my work is done, before hers is. We text message a lot, and that helps. She's even been known to give me the go ahead to relieve pressure via text.

I don't have a problem being pent up, really. It's counter-intuitive, but tease and denial is prolly my top fetish. I thoroughly enjoy being "bottled up" and not being able to do anything about it.

But...it makes me frisky. Very frisky. I want to play, and play a lot. I want, in short, kinky sex. I start craving bondage, spankings, clothespins on nipples. I start craving assignments to scrub the kitchen floor on my knees, in handcuffs, naked. Suddenly, having to stand in the corner for a half hour is incredibly erotic.

If any of these fantasies are indulged (even just role playing them out, via text or IM), I tend to switch at some point. I start thinking about stripping a girl naked, putting her in a hogtie. Watching her crawl across the floor, bend over for a spanking. My cock gets a lil twitchy thinking about her on her knees, fixing my coffee.

The problem is, once either train of thought starts, it's VERY hard to stop them without a climax. It can be done...but usually things spiral out of control for quite some time before sleep, work, or a game becomes enough of a distraction to cool me off. Fantasies get wilder, cravings become stronger, and it's been known to put me in one of those unfulfilled bad moods.

Back to being left on my own during the latter part of the day. This is one of those unavoidable situations all real romances have...but it's possibly the biggest challenge to my side of the kink game. When I'm most wanting to put the toy bag to use, her mind is rightfully on work. When she gets home, I can't blame her for wanting to simply do nothing (I had that chance, didn't I?).

By the time her friskiness would wake up, I'm winding down...falling asleep. Many nights were barely talk to each other, never mind smack each other on the ass. Often times, the kink boils down to miscellaneous chores and errands during the day and not much else.

How does everyone out there in cyberland deal with your schedule and working in the fun? Judging by the blogs, it seems to simply be a case of "Where there's a will, there's a way"...but I know first hand how a blog can be put together to create an illusion of constant fun ;-)

---Him

Man Spanking Girl

It has been far too long since He spanked me. We had been discussing our needs and wants lately, which resulted in a lovely spanking for me almost immediately after I woke up. It wasn't vicious but it was nice and warming.



I was squirming and wriggling under his hand with every blow. Leaning to the left, He would promptly give my right cheek a firm *SMACK*. Leaning to the left, He'd slap the left cheek. He used the slapper (pictured above), ping pong paddle, wooden spoon (MAN I HATE that one!!), and flogger. I don't so much mind the flogger. It actually feels kind of nice. The light little rubber strings stinging my bottom. Periodically a curse word would leave my lips, which prompted harder smacks from Him to correct my foul language. From then on I used "C'mon!" several times. He acted like He didn't know.. Sexy, but.. ultimately frustrating!

I had expressed to Him that I was really craving more play time with Him on top. For the past month or so it had been strictly me on top. This is fun, but it leaves me wanting more. I was beginning to feel like Domming was a chore.

We were in need of a change. So we discussed everything and decided on a few things. We need to work on expressing our needs and wants on a more frequent basis. It was getting to the point where He would want a spanking but wouldn't tell me about it. Or He'd want play time but wouldn't express it. So things continued to build until we had a little chat about it. We've worked things out and are going to be committing more time to playtime and making love.

Look for a new post soon from either of us with photos of our last play session. Him tied up on the bed, clothespins on the nipples, completely naked. Quite sexy if you ask me.

Here's to healthy lifestyles!
-Her