No Spanking

So, the spanking I'd mentioned didn't happen.

That's sad. And it hurts a lil, since there was a promise involved.

And it's frustrating, 'cause my bum really likes being whacked. And in my humble, submissive opinion it doesn't happen enough.

At the same time? I totally understand Her not being in the mood. I've been there. And even just as a guy screwing a girl, I wouldn't want Her to do something she didn't want to.

As a sub, I'm a lil thrilled she's comfortable enough saying, "No, I'm not in the mood. I know you really want it, but you're not getting it. Sorry."

It's hard tho, so hard. For a variety of reasons, we haven't been making love very often. Or having any sort of playtime. And...it's tough. I like playtime, ending in sex or not. The fact that she hasn't been in the mood is trying.

But...this is good, in a way. I AM the submissive. I DID agree to let her moods and preferences have priority. And that includes the non-sexy stuff, and the downright unhappy stuff. One of my goals in submitting to Her is to make it more 24/7, more about the little things throughout our lives, and not only "Yes Mistress" during sex.

It's hard, and sometimes she's not comfortable pushing me to remember this goal. This is a perfect chance to practice tamping down my own desires and know she's not likely to give up just to stop me from being a lil pouty.

It's humbling to going to bed horny and unsatisfied, and realize it's more than a little nice.

---Him

Spanking?

There's supposedly a spanking in the works tonight...since it's a dull TV night, and since she hasn't been in the mood the last couple times I've asked.

There was a pesky problem with a not-so-raging erection last night during playtime...but I don't think that will cut down on the fun.

Now to decide if I can get all my work done in time to tie myself to the bed before she gets home...

Watch this space for some photos, either way!

---Him

Punishment/Consequences and their Role in Submission

So...as I mentioned on Sunday, I've been starting to think that maybe punishment can serve a better role in a d/s relationship than simply turning me on.

That's been my primary argument (mostly with myself) against punishing a sub. In a lotta cases, it's a game...I like being spanked, teased and denied, and otherwise being made uncomfortable or humiliated. I'm even getting a little turned on right now writing about it.

If the goal is to be submissive, to put my domme first, to be worthy of wearing her collar...then punishment shouldn't play a role in that end of it. If I'm truly submissive, then I shouldn't NEED correcting; I should just do what's going to please Her.

Meh...yes and no. I'm not always, by nature, a submissive person. I've spent most of my professional life and much of my personal life being that guy in charge. I try to work hard so I feel justified relaxing. I like to set my life up to make me happy.

Which means...it's not always first on my mind to keep everything neat and tidy around the house. Sometimes I let cleaning the kitchen slip from 1st to 3rd priority. I rationalize: "She'll understand I had this and this to do as well."

I'm sort of cringing as I type all that out, because...a vast majority of the time (and not always when horny, which is surprizing to me) I want to do better than that. I know I can do better, I know I can get what she wants done AND everything else.

And if I can't? I should be willing to sacrifice to do what she wants. If it comes down to a choice between reading and having the dishes done before she comes home...the book shouldn't get opened. I know that, and I genuinely want that.

But habits are hard to break. And while I'd love to take all the blame, she really isn't in the domme mindset 24/7, where she's waiting for an excuse to bring me into line. We'll go days, even weeks where there isn't a hint of d/s in the relationship...and it's easy for me to just go with it, hover in that equality realm. To break any subservient habits I've formed.

So she and I discussed last night (briefly, it wasn't the main issue last night) that it might be time to put a rule or two in place, and establish consquences. There was a case this week where I forgot to wear my collar to work, and I felt bad and sorry and knew I deserved to be punished (something thoroughly unsexy, say losing coffee priviledges or something)...but nothing happened.

I'm not the type of guy who can sub alone...so we're going to explore some ideas, and see how they fit with us.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Suggestions, comments, concerns? We'd love to hear it!

---Him

Back to the Spanko Brunch

So it's been a long hiatus, for multiple reasons, some of which were detailed by Her in her last post. Time to start getting back into things again.

So here I am, looking over at the topic Bonnie put forth on My Bottom Smarts: "If we enjoy spankings, how can they be effective as a punishment?"

It's kinda funny, since I've been thinking about this particular tidbit a lot lately, as I've been forgetful about things, a little on the selfish side, and just all around not-as-good-as-I-could-be. After a couple incidents of misbehavior (for a lack of a better term, tho it's not quite that simple), I started thinking, "There really need to be consequences for this sort of thing."

The road forks here...the whole "punishment vs casual d/s" theme should be continued this week, so...come back then to get more specifics on this story. But the Brunch part of this goes on below.

I've also been craving a spanking all week, since planned playtime got hijacked by some other things last weekend. So part of me is going, "Do I want a spanking, or do I want correction? Are they one and the same? Or do I like spanks too much for it to serve as a corrective action?"

The truth for me is a lot of things sound REALLY sexy...until they happen. Cold showers, for instance. The idea of being forced to take one is really hott, but...I hate them with a passion once I'm under the water. Standing in a corner...sexy, until it hits the point where the arousal wears off and I'm simply standing with my nose in a dusty corner of the room.

At the same time, standing in a corner while being teased or otherwise played with is a lot more fun. A cold shower with Her standing outside the tub, giggling at me, is more enjoyable than being alone. So the manner in which the "punishment" takes place makes all the difference.

A spanking done "just because" or because I was "such a naughty boy, flaunting that butt" is WAY different than one done because I've been "disappointing" or a "bad sub." The tone of voice She uses to frame the spanking and the lecturing (or worse, the silence) goes a long way to bringing something fun to something awful.

There's also differences in techniques. A hard, fast spanking with no warm up wouldn't be fun (at least not satisfying) under any circumstances. There are also different toys She can use on me that HURT, and not in the "Oh BABY" way.

In summary, a spanking can easily be used as a punishment in my case simply by changing the context and making it HURT.

What do you think? Check out this week's MBS Spanko Brunch to learn more, voice your thoughts, and read what everyone else is thinking!

---Him

Adventures in Living Together

Greetings, all! I must apologize for my absence and lack of posts. As He described, I was busy moving in to my new place. This new place had no internet, and no cable. I then moved on to being busy with a brand new job. Getting accustomed to new things means moving in to a new routine, and anyone who knows me knows it takes a little while for me to get used to a new routine. Well as I am finally settling down, some things happened to where He had to move in with me. We both thought it was for the best. It's been about 8 months now that we've been together and we felt it was the right time for it, despite both our families warning us about the risks of having babies. ---Which we both well know and are aware of---

So then it was both He and I in this little studio apartment trying to work everything out as far as unpacking, meshing our lives together and so on.. then a week ago we decided to get a cat. At one point we were making love, only to finish and have a cat jump up on the bed, practically saying, "OK, now you're done, and it's MY turn"

The other morning we had a little fun. He has started a new part time job, so he was waking up to go to his day-long orientation. It was my day off so I was just lounging about in bed. At some point while he was getting ready, we were kissing and playing around and He leaned over my lap, for some reason. I immediately took the opportunity to give Him a big *SLAP* right on the ass. He practically giggled at this, so I continued for a good 10 minutes. I couldn't help it, He just handed me the opportunity to give him a good spanking on a silver platter.

At one point I came home from work a couple weeks ago to find a handcuffed boy on the bed, spread out and waiting for me. I left Him alone while I cleaned up the kitchen and then I told Him I didn't want Him then, and that I'd take Him a little later. This was deliciously fun for me, having all the power. But then I also know He loves to be teased and denied.

Next time there will be photos. Now that we're living together we have no excuse to not take photographs for your enjoyment.

Here's to healthy lifestyles,
-Her