(I'm a) Bad Boy

I'm sitting here hard as a rock and having no idea when my next climax is gonna be. I'm loving AND hating this all at once, but I know I totally deserve it.

For the second time I disobeyed her very simple directions. After leaving her, I was told to go home and jerk off right away. I failed to do this twice in the same week...once Monday, and once Thursday. The first time, I was kept pent up for a day to teach me a lesson. It obviously didn't work, because I let myself get distracted again Thursday.

I feel bad, because I simply forgot. It was awful of me to forget her very simple direction. To let it slip my mind completely. I so deserve the frustration I'm in now, and the sub in me hopes she doesn't cut me any slack.

She's very busy at work for the next few days, same days that I'm off. This has the double effect of keeping me horny when I've got the chance to jerk off, and also while she's away. I hate being frustrated, wanting to play, and knowing she's not able. It's a very fitting punishment whether intended or not.

I'm humiliated at being punished like a lil kid, but loving it as well. I really WANT to learn my lesson and be a good boy...just...maybe in not such a torturous way?

---Him

In a Collar

I'm wearing a collar for her at the moment.

It feels...good. So good.

As dominant as I felt today, and as much as I directed her in most tasks today...I'm craving to be at her feet right now. Even if she doesn't do anything more than pat me idly while watching TV, I want to be near her, ready to do her bidding...

It started early on in our conversation today, when she started hinting at not letting me climax until Saturday (*moans*). I know I did the exact same thing to her last week...but...that's not much comfort. Having that reminder of how she controls such an intimate part of my life started pushing my sub buttons, even as I plotted and planned how to torture her when we saw each other next.

Lil comments here and there, about teaching me a lesson about "shouting" during IM conversation, being "petted," then sharing my submissive feelings which were then encouraged by her. I sent her a pic of the undies I was wearing...and as they're awfully revealing she started talking about sending me outside for lil chores with nothing but them on. This melted me even more, until I was sending her a picture of a Humbler and discussing cock rings...

What I love about her so much is that when I "complained" about being too submissive, she teased me: "Well come put me on my knees baby." When I declined (respectfully...she's the Mistress after all...) she switched gears altogether, sending me to put my collar on and starting to instruct me more closely.

Which is where I am now. Until she'll keep teasing me, I have to finish this entry I promised her before bed tonight. It feels almost humiliating, but in such a good way, to be sitting here in my underwear wearing a collar for the same woman I had naked cleaning her kitchen this afternoon. It's mind boggling...but so yummy.

Right now, I simply crave her attention and her approval. Her torment, too...I want her to tease and torture me for her enjoyment--I know, it's not genuine submission to want something specific for her enjoyment, but I think we can common ground on that part. We know each role is about pleasing each other as much as ourselves.

I confessed earlier to wanting her to hurt me, and she was surprized at some of the things I was bringing up. CBT, plucking body hair, hot wax. I'm not, as a general rule, a huge masochist...but some people have brought that out in me. She does that, she makes me want to surrender to anything she can do to me...whether that's going to make me moan and gasp, or whimper and scream.

I love her, and hopes she offers her helplessly devoted boy little mercy tonight, and every night until she grants me an orgasm.

---Him

Bliss

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